| leatherman's log |
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December 2009 |
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| Week One: |
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I finally posted my last November
update, including all the Thanksgiving Events, online.
November Week Two - Week Four |
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| Sorry I took so long getting this
update to you. It seemed like every time I was about ready to post,
I realized that if I just waited a couple more days, then I'd have
something else to add. Then a couple more days went by and something
else was about to happen. Suddenly before I knew it, I had a lot of
pictures ready to go and it was already December! |
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So check out November and then head
back to check the first update of the last month of this year! |
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| World AIDS Day |
| Tonight for World AIDS Day, I attended the educational/memorial event ("Red Ribbon Diary...The
Story of HIV" ) sponsored by the Catawba Care Coalition/Christopher
Clinic (my new clinic aka CCC ) and the Winthrop University Wellness
Services that was held at the Plowden Auditorium, Winthrop
University in Rock Hill SC. |
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| I always attended this kind of event
when I was living in OH in remembrance of all my lost friends and
for my Randy. Last year however, I skipped out because the week
prior I had attended a memorial hosted by Mercy Medical Center
Hospice (an annual event honoring those who had passed away under
their care during the previous year) and was there in remembrance of
my Jim who had only passed away a handful of months before. |
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Tonight, I went to this event, in a
new place and a new state,
to once again mark another year my
partners and my friends are gone
and to make sure that they are not
forgotten as long as I'm still here. |
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| Red Ribbon
Diary ... The Story of Hiv |
| To tell the story of an
epidemic, the event was told in four sections of a timeline with
narrators, singers, dancers, and a multimedia slideshow. |
MouseOver CloseUp |
The Auditorium itself was quite nice
looking with comfortable intimate seating (of just a few hundred),
nice lighting ,a good sound system, along with a nice sized stage.
Of course, I paid attention to all those sorts of details
- I didn't
get my speech minor and do all that stage-crewing during my college
years without gaining a love and interest of stagecraft.
To give you a good view of what the stage looked like means that
you can barely see the MC from CCC, so please MouseOver for a CloseUp |
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| Between each section, the
performers appeared while the slideshow behind them highlighted much
of the headline news and misc HIV/AIDS facts throughout that section
of the timeline. A performance troupe danced to "Thriller" and a
couple twirled about the stage in an interpretive dance to TLC's
"Waterfalls"; while during the evening three singers performed "That's what friends are
for" and a talented vocalist sang "Stand By Me". |
| Case Managers from Catawba Care
Coalition took turns narrating through the timeline sections. With
the intimate setting of this auditorium, the ladies (MouseOver for a
CloseUp) would break the
fourth wall encouraging the audience with banter to laugh, clap and
comment on the various headline news and HIV facts that they were
presenting from those times. |
MouseOver CloseUp |
| Before the show started,
my case worker caught up to me for a while and we chatted up
business some (hey! I had to show off my brand new spanking Medicaid
card after it took so long to get!). She had been out and about in
the counties that the agency covers the last few days and hadn't
been back to the office to see my email with the scanned card yet.
She ran off to chat with a few other people and was going to come
back to sit through the show with me; but got caught on the other
side of the theater when the lights dimmed and the show started. |
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While the show was
a little rough around the edges (but what do you expect
from amateur performers without much rehearsal?
 ), the crowd definitely enjoyed the
banter of the narrators and politely and enthusiastically applauded
each of the performing acts. Some in the audience were there
to cheer on their performers and some were students there to obtain a few cultural credits
before the semester ended. CCC itself had most of it's staff out in
force dressed in their ubiquitous red shirts emblazoned with their
URL (such smarties!)
While I don't know the capacity of the auditorium, it was at least
three quarters of the way filled, meaning there were several hundred
in the audience - a rather nice crowd for a chilly Tuesday night. |
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| More than the audience or acts, I was intrigued by the
narration throughout the 29 years or so of the HIV epidemic. While
many of the audience members there weren't even born in 1980, I
actually lived through all the events the ladies read off as the
years progressed. |
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| I remember when the
illness was only known as GRID. I remember as those first years went
by and hundreds of gay men began to die in the big cities. I
remember how Randy and I were too scared to get tested as it was
nothing more than receiving a death sentence. Who could forget how
long it took President Reagan to mention AIDS even though the news
about Rock Hudson's kiss of Linda Evans had brought the issue to
every living room in America. (Although the narrators did miss
commenting on Surgeon General C. Everett Koop's bold, unsanctioned move to send an
AIDS booklet to every American household (I bet I even still have
mine somewhere packed away)) Thrown in amongst dates of med
introductions like AZT and ddI (the second anti-HIV med came out in
1992 and I am still taking a variation of that today), Viral load testing development, and
HAART (Highly Active AntiRetroviral Treatment) were timely events
like the storming of the Waco Compound, the Challenger explosion,
the Atlantic Olympic Park bombing, and the first Gulf War. It really was a walk down memory
lane for me, as I was reminded of all those other happenings that
went along with receiving my diagnosis in 1992, Randy's death in
1994, my bouts of pneumonia in 97 and 99. |
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The final speaker of the
evening was a woman diagnosed in 1999 who told part of her tale,
along with some of the facts of how to and why one should protect
themselves from HIV. I hope those college students in the audience
took her words to heart. Too much time seems to have gone by and not
much about AIDS is talked about today, and the rate of infection has
once again begun to rise. Every day we sadly welcome new members to
the online forums at aidsmeds.com as people are still not taking
precaution against being infected by this still terminal disease.
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Unfortunately, I
felt left out of the crowd of the audience - young students and
young adults for the most part (dang! this growing older thing does
have some drawbacks), many of them black. I believe the few
white males around my age in the audience that I saw were actually CCC staff. I
also had little in common with the final speaker either - a
woman, who insinuating drug-abuse/alcohol-abuse was the contributing
factor to her infection risk, has only dealt with HIV half the time
that it's been a major factor in my life. |
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I did however, listen
intently to the story she told as I've often considered whether I
should use my speech abilities and offer to be a volunteer speaker. It
would be nice to put those college speech classes to use; but I'm
afraid perhaps my story would be a bit too much like some hellfire
and brimstone preacher. I surely could scare people into being more
cautious about risking their health by laying out my trials with side
effects, slide into poverty, and the loss of two loves. No one has a
better story than I have, to explain the necessity of testing, more
than my story of what happened to Jim. |
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| Sometimes I'm not really
certain why I go to these events. I mean, I do know that I'm doing
it on one hand to stand up for Jim and Randy and to make sure their
names are never forgotten. It puts at least two faces on those
numbers of Americans who have died from AIDS. When the discussion turns
to how the meds have improved, I remember and believe that while Randy's
participation in clinical trials were to try to save his own life,
that it was
also a courageous move that contributed to me having better meds to
switch to each time I've had side-effect or resistance issues. |
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| But on the other hand,
part of me also goes to these events for purely selfish reasons. I
keep trying to find people like me. Though I have found a handful of
people like me online (like at aidsmeds.com), finding them in real
life is a much harder task. Unfortunately, confidentiality laws have
made it nearly impossible for doctors or case workers to put me in
touch with other long-term survivors like me. I go to these events
hoping that I'll run into a crowd of guys, in their mid to late 40s
who have struggled through similar situations and meds just like me.
Maybe even others who have lost partners like I have. Even though I
have found people like that in real life, all of the people that
have gone through these kinds of situations are senior
citizens in their 70s and 80s and usually women. Though I've
appreciated being able to talk and commiserate with my grandmother,
it would be nice to chat with people more my peers. Sadly, the catch
is that most people who would fit into the category of persons I'm
looking for are, quite frankly, already dead from this disease. |
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| I've been dealing with
this issue (not being part of the crowd) for quite some time.
Just as I saw people in this audience tonight talking and sitting
with friends (friends from work, friends from school, friends from
the clinic), I saw this before in Ohio. Some of the problem actually
lies in the fact that I'm sorta healthy and pretty self-sufficient.
If I was sicker and around the doctor's office more, if I needed
therapy/counseling, or even if I was a counselor or speaker then I'd
be around other people more and they would know me more. It's just
ironic that taking care of myself actually hoists me on my own
petard.
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| Thankfully though, I do
have some "online friends" to discuss this with, as many of
them are in the same boat. I mean, for the same reasons I'm online,
they're online too. Often we get accused by others of being too
negative or pessimistic, when really nothing could be farther from the
truth, as every day we struggle and fight our way through against
unwinnable obstacles. It's been nearly 30 years now, and there's still no cure out
there. Sure there might be one day; but just like I had to quit
waiting for my death that they've been predicting for years, I had
to quit waiting for a cure and move on with my life. That has meant
that I had to find ways around the side effects; I had to find ways
to deal with the poverty; I had to find ways to deal with the
grief'; and I've had to find ways to deal with the loneliness and
isolation. Unlike other illnesses where more people are affected and
there is less surrounding stigma, there are just so many extra
unspoken symptoms and side effects of being a long-term survivor of
AIDS, that have nothing to do with the medications and for which
there are no good solutions. |
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| Of course, some of the
underlying problem to all that I just discussed is nothing
more than the evil
depression monster. It's just one of those times of the year (the
holidays) and I was just at an event remembering those who have died
from AIDS, not to mention that just thinking along those lines makes
me also think of how much damage it's done to my own life. Ack, what
a bummer. |
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But tomorrow is a new day
and I have things to do.
I have Christmas ornaments I promised my Nana that I'd make. I still
have to contact the SC health dpt. and find out what's going on with
my food stamps (their computer system was down today). Then there's
contacting my case manager about some of my health issues and
pushing the clinic into arranging for me to see a GI doctor about
this esophagus problem now that I have this medical card. Oh, and
Mom has a few projects that I'm going to be helping her with to
maybe earn me a few bucks. I tell you, though there may only be few
ways to fight back against the depression that life brings around, life itself
is only boring when you let it be boring.
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|
Week Two: |
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| Enough to
Make Me Crazy |
During the first few weeks of
December, I had enough weird things happen that I am amazed that I'm
not crazy.
(Yes, I can hear all y'all in the Peanut Gallery right now, and I'm
just ignoring you.
) |
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How low can
you go?
or
Please stop, I'm already poor enough! |
When I finally got Ohio to
terminate my Food Stamp/Medicaid case after all those months, Ohio
also quit paying for the Medicare insurance premium ($96.40). The
result of that was that my monthly disability check was cut by
nearly $100, as the premium was then directly taken from my check.
Thankfully, my CCC (Catawba Care Clinic) case manager had the cure to that, in a
stack of forms she had for me last month, that would get SC to pay
that premium (I guess that's one of the "advantages" to being
tragically poor). I hadn't received any notice yet from SS or SC
about the progress on this issue and didn't know how many more
checks I would receive at this cut rate nor if I would ever be
reimbursed for any of these premium payments. So, as the first of
the month arrived I was anxious to see what amount would appear in
my bank account now that I have my disability check direct
deposited. |
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| Needless to say when I saw
that Social Security had not sent the regular check amount (just
over $700) to my account I wasn't too surprised. What did surprise
me though was that they only sent $192!?!?
Needless to say, seeing that I freaked right out! If I had been
living anywhere but with Mom, with that little money, I would
definitely be looking at that homelessness that I have been
fighting against so long, looming over me once again. Unfortunately,
it was 9:00 at night and there wasn't a thing I could do to find out
why my check amount was so wrong. I did, however, fire off an email
to my CCC case manager. Finding out - and fixing! - how I lost
nearly $550 in my disability check from just living in SC for three
months, sure sounded like as job I was going to need extra help to
combat, so I was getting my "troops" lined up.
I spent quite a restless night with very little sleep, as I watched
the clock waiting for 7AM to arrive when I could call the national
Social Security number and perhaps find out what had gone so
horribly wrong. |
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As I watched the dark of
the night finally fading away as the next morning arrived, I began
to get all my paperwork together and checked my bank account once
more to make sure I had all the information I needed to defend
myself and to attack as I went up against the behemoth SS
bureaucracy. Then what to my wondering eyes should appear (do you
like how I worked that Christmas-y phrase in?);
but another SS entry in my bank account for the regular amount
(minus that premium payment). As the sun rose, the light
dawned!
 Two
premium payments (Nov and Dec) of $96.40 would equal $192.80 the
exact amount of that first payment into my account.
Yes, I had been awake nearly all night, totally freaked out and
worrying, because things had worked out. SC was covering those
premium payments and I was actually being reimbursed! |
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| As I told my case manager
when I called off the "battle",
I'm really not a pessimist. I just know how things can always go
screwy, if you don't stay on top of them. You need to plan and make
preparations for the things that go wrong. You don't have to do
anything when the good stuff happens; but enjoy it. Though I worried
away one night, and probably freaked my case manager out, in the
long run I can look back and laugh now at how what I originally
thought was so terrible, turned out to be really great as now I have
some extra money here at Christmastime! WooHoo! |
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| Southern
Fall is not like Northern Fall at All |
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The azalea out front is still putting
out flowers even as the temps get lower and lower every night. I'm
sure the frost will eventually make the bush realize that Winter is
nearly here. Until then, we'll enjoy the beautiful flowers. |
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But that azalea isn't the
only thing blooming either.
One of the rose bushes in front of the
house has had several buds on it and just this week,
one pink bud is
nearly about to open up |
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| Should I be
worried, if I'm crying about a lamp? |
| Speaking of extra
Christmas money, I actually had some more money come in yesterday
that upset me. I haven't been getting much mail since I moved
here, since the bills and utilities are not in my name. However, once in
a while, I do receive some correspondence from these various
agencies I've been dealing with since moving here. I also just
started receiving Entertainment Weekly magazine that I ordered,
using up some of my Coca-Cola points. |
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| Yesterday I received an
envelope out of Canton from Avenue Antiques. You might remember that
they are the dealers that were selling off some of Jim's possessions
for me. I
hadn't received any checks from them in a while and had thought
everything was sold. I had been surprised to get a check from them a year
after having moved into the Miami Ct. house. Since I knew I was
leaving town soon at that point, I stopped by to thank them and tell
them goodbye. There were actually still a few items left to sell and
we discussed donating the remaining glassware and knick-knacks to
some shelters. |
However, there was one major item left
and the ladies at the shop had it on layaway until this Christmas
when they were hoping a customer would finally pay it off and pick
it up. The last item to sell was an old wrought-iron standing gas
lamp (converted to electric) with a large Tiffany shade.
I tried my best to find a good pix of this lamp; but I just couldn't. I
was even out going through all sorts of Jim's old pix that are
stored in the shed, because I know there are several; but I couldn't
find them. The most I could find was a corner of the shade in this
pix that I took while preparing for Jim's memorial. |
MouseOver Highlight |
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| While I'm glad to be
getting this extra money in, I just can't help crying about it. I'm
just too emotional of a guy. Plus I've always been troubled by any
money I've received because of someone having passed away. Though I
may spend that kind of money (like the money I received after my
father died and my brothers sold off his house), I still would always rather
have the person than the money. |
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| Food
Stamps: Part Une |
Although my medical card
finally got approved and came through, I still hadn't heard anything
about food stamps. I called their office the other day; but the
computers were down and they couldn't help me. When they finally
returned my call, it wasn't with good news.
They still have not received the paperwork that I send them (that
dang termination notice from Ohio). Not only have they not approved
my case yet; but now I have to go back to their office and re-apply.
That means another trip at 6:30 in the morning to sit out in the
dark, and now the cold, just to give them the information I gave
them less than two months ago. Much less the exact same information
that obviously made it to one part of the SC Health Dpt. but that
obviously can't make it or be faxed over to anther part of the same
Health Dpt.
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| To be continued... |
| More of
those odd similarities |
| Though I don't dwell on my
loss of Randy and Jim (for that way would lead to madness), I do
think of them often. Of course, I am thinking about them a bit more
here during the holidays as "family" is a component of this season.
However, I also think of my guys just a bit more this month, like I
do in May and July, because of my relationships with them and the
important dates in their lives rather than because of the holiday
season. |
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| As there were so many similarities in their
births (both born in July) and deaths (both passed away in May), so were there similarities in the beginnings of my relationships with both men. Randy and I went on our first date
on December 5, 1984 (we saw the Prince movie, "Purple Reign"), and just a month later, would
mark Jan 15th as our anniversary. It was on a trip to NC to be with
my family for Christmas when I took Jim to meet my family, and then, not only promised to adhere to my meds for his sake, but made December
18, 2004 our anniversary. |
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| Though I won't be celebrating my 11th
anniversary with Jim nor the 25th with Randy, it'll always be this
time of year that I look back to those early days when our love
was still fresh and new and the future stretched out before us. |
| Food Stamps
Part Deux |
| I arrived early (630am) to wait in
line to re-apply for food stamps, since enough days had elapsed that
they made me start the process all over again. Once again it was the
same wait - in the dark and fog, with burnt-out parking lot lights
and one flickering light over the walkway up to the door. Only this
time, unlike in September, it was cold! Unable to read the sign on the
door in the dark, and unwarned by 4 passing employees, the office
didn't even open until 8:30 as it was a Friday, so the wait was
extra long. Then once inside, we (me and the twenty other people in
line) were informed that the agency did not do any interviews on
Fridays. |
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| It's a crying shame the way these
agencies treat the very people that they are supposed to be helping.
If the safeness factor (of being out in the dark) wasn't troubling
alone about that situation, just the fact that some of those
applicants are probably there because of their illnesses, makes it
all-in-all just an unhealthy situation for all parties - and that
doesn't even get into the mindless treat-you-like-cattle system
inside. But at least the system has been changed over the years
from those wretched books of monopoly-like money for food stamps (not
only did you have to suffer with your poverty alone, but you got a
heaping helping of stigma on the side each time you just tried to
purchase food) into a swipe-able card like nearly everyone
else uses without calling attention to their social status. |
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| Though my case hasn't been approved
yet, at least there's been some forward movement in my case. They took my paperwork and
scheduled me to come back the first of next week for an actual
interview. |
| To be continued.... |
| Food Stamps
Part Trois |
| Monday rolled around and I
took a drive back down to Rock Hill for the appointment with the
Food Stamp office. Finally! This time I had all the right paperwork
and everyone seemed happy. Well, until they told me that this was
only an intake interview and within 3 weeks a regular caseworker
would notify me if I had been approved or not. |
| To be continued.... |
After all
my years in Ohio,
It wouldn't be Christmas without Cookies |
Of course, Christmas needs
cookies to be Christmas,
so one afternoon while Mom and Denny were out at a bridge game, I
decided it was time to make the cookies. As I was starting to put
all the ingredients together, a package arrived in the mail. It was
the mixer Mom had ordered from ebay. How fortuitous! Of course, it
needed to be tested to see if it worked before Mom used it,
so I unwrapped it all, washed it up, and gave it a whirl making
cookie dough and icing. |
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| Since Mom couldn't find
many of her cookie cutters, I picked up a few while I was out
getting the baking supplies. The cookie cutter set that I got came
with several large and several small versions of the cutters. Using
both sizes together, I tried my hand at making a few stained-glass
cookies. |
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| Before baking you fill the cut-out section with crushed
life-saver candies. The candy melts down into the hole, and produces
a nice stained-glass type panel in the cookie when it's baked. (Make
sure to use parchment paper on the pan or the candy will stick to the
pan!) |
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| But of course, it wouldn't
be Christmas time without baking and icing cut-out cookies. I had
never bothered to copy DO's recipe (as I just never imagined I
wouldn't be up in Ohio making them with her),
so I tried
a recipe I got online. Though they are very tasty, I thought they
baked up just a tad too crunchy. That just means that me and the
kids will have to eat them up and then I'll try a different recipe
for the next batch. |
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|
It was definitely odd, sitting there by myself, icing the cookies -
and quite sad. Back in Ohio, Christmas, more than Christmas Day
itself, was really defined by the weekends preceding the holiday.
Tons of our friends would gather at Joyce's house, ready to help
with the task of baking up all those cookies that would end up in
our goodie box presents from Joyce. It was the camaraderie
between friends sitting around her table armed with knives, icing,
and an assortment of sprinkles, drinking from steaming mugs of
spiced tea or hot chocolate, and chatting while the cold and snow
swirled outside that truly reflected the real meaning of the holiday
season. |
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|
It's already been hard getting into much of a Christmas spirit this
year. Although cold has finally come to the area, the leaves have
barely fallen off the trees, and there's no snow in the air or on
the ground. And I was sitting there alone icing cookies. Even with
Christmas carols playing in the background, I found myself gently
weeping.
Not only because I was thinking of those friends I left behind in
Oh; but because Jim wasn't sitting there
across from me. We spent quite a few of our anniversaries over the
years decorating Christmas cookies for DO. For many years, much of the joy of Christmas had been sucked out
of Jim by the loss of his parents and grandparents and it had been
so heart-warming watching him interact with Joyce's family all these
years. If Jim wasn't hovering over the table trying to find just the
right sprinkles to put on the cookie he was decorating then he was
usually sitting across from me concentrating on his decorating
skills, smiling away, while his foot gently touched mine under the
table, in an unseen and unconscious gesture of love and happiness.
sigh
Happy Anniversary my love. |
|
|
Instead of trying another batch of cut-outs, I dug up one of my old
recipes and made a batch of Chinese Almond Cookies.
I made the cookies in the first batch just a bit too big; but no one
complained.
The doggies seem to think these big cookies are the perfect size.
All of these seemed to come out much softer and fluffier than
normal, which isn't a bad thing at all. |
 |
 |
|
I used up the last of yesterday's icing by decorating a handful of
these cookies. |
MouseOver CloseUp |
| Food Stamps
Part Quatre |
Today I finally got a notice from the
Food Stamp office; but it was wrong! Instead of telling me what my
monthly benefits would be and issuing me a debit card to use those
benefits, the letter stated that I was "recertified" and that I had
a balance of $81 pro-rated for the month of December. I gave my case
worker a call, explained the situation (I had never had food stamps
in SC before), and got an apology for her
"hitting the wrong button". Within a week, I should now get a card
so I can actually access these benefits. While I had her on the
phone, I asked about my monthly benefit amount. My jaw hit the floor
when she told me only $90 a month! That's half of the $176 that I
was receiving in Ohio. |
| |
| This case worker didn't have any good
explanation about the difference, and I was too stunned to complain
or push the issue further. Afterwards I got in touch with the clinic
case worker to see what sort of information she knows or can find
out about this. I checked on the SC food stamp website and for some
reason while OH uses a total of your earned (ie wages) and unearned
(ie disability check) income to determine your benefit amount, SC
seems to penalize you for not "earning" the amount but receiving the
amount. I sure hope between myself and my clinic case worker that we
can figure out that this is wrong and get it changed. |
| |
| Part of what concerns me so much, is
that for many years I did not move back home because I was afraid of
messing up my benefits. Since coming to SC, for a while social
security took $100 out of my check each month, it's taken nearly 3.5
months to get a medical card and food stamps, I nearly ran out of
medicine, and my food stamp balance is half of what it's been. If I
had NOT been living with my mom, this move would have been a horrible
disaster and by this point, I would have been hopeless, starving and
probably very sick with untreated HIV for several months |
| To be continued.... |
| Taking a Couple of
Steps Back |
| Ever since I got back my last blood
results, things haven't been as good as they had been for me. At
first, I chalked it up to just feeling punkish after that dip in
good news; but as a couple of months have gone by, I'm not so sure
that I'm not just taking a couple of steps backwards. I got to
looking through my log (for the end of the year review coming up,
and for a picture of Jim's lamp) and realized that I haven't really
felt so "fine and dandy" for years and years but maybe for like a
year, possibly even two years if you ignore a couple bouts of
serious illness. In actuality it was just barely over a year
ago, back in the house on Miami Ct., that I suffered through one of
those mystery fevers for several days. |
| |
| In reality, I've just been overly optimistic about the way I've been feeling slightly better in the
last two years; but it's not like I've been miraculously cured. Now
I have to wonder if all that "feeling good so much of the time" is
over or just on a break. I had to have an appointment at my new
clinic about a month ago to discuss some of these health issues that
just aren't going well right now. |
| |
| The small issues aren't too terrible; but
they
are annoying. Although I've had dentures for many years now, I
believe a small piece of tooth or bone has started to protrude
through a spot in my gums, and it makes eating crunchy hard things
pretty painful if I chew on that one side. I've learned to "baby"
that spot until the clinic can set up me to see a dentist. |
| |
| Having had to fill out so many forms since I moved here, the other
small issue that has cropped up is that I have noticed that my
vision really has degraded over the last two years, and I definitely
need to be getting some glasses. For the time being, I have a pair
of reading glasses that I picked up from a drug store, so that'll
carry me through that problem for a while longer. |
| |
| However, there are two major issues.
Although I've been having some joint pains just all over that are a
lot worse than usual, the recurrent pain that hits my right neck and
shoulder most winters (but oddly not last year) has gotten
exponentially worse this year. The pain has become so bad that it
has literally woken me up out of my sleep numerous times. The clinic
has given me some pain pills that work some when the pain is really
bad; but don't really help a lot when the pain is at medium
strength. Since I have the pain meds, I'm just going to wait to talk
to the doctor further about this problem when I have my next
appointment after the first of the year. |
| |
| The other major issue though is one
that I am really going to have to have checked out ASAP. I think I'm
having this issue known as an "esophageal stricture". I'm trying to get
the clinic to get me a reference for a GI doc who can run a scope
down my throat and figure it out. |
| |
| I believe there's a spot in my
esophagus that was weakened/damaged by a bout of thrush a long time
ago. Now (and it's been getting worse lately) when I eat, sometimes
the smallest piece of food can seem to get stuck at that
area. When that happens nothing else will go down, it hurts like
hell (like acid reflux sorta), and until I can expel the offending
particle, I'm usually very, very, very uncomfortable. |
| |
| When this first started happening
(about two years ago), it
was only once in a full blue moon. Usually it happened when I ate a piece of warm smoochy bread/roll/bun etc.
As it was
getting worse the last couple months in Canton, I thought it was
happening more because I was eating, sorta hunched over, at my desk
since John and I weren't eating together. After I moved and it was
happening even more, I
thought it was because I was talking too much (everyone was taking
me out to eat. they would ask me about ohio and while I talked
everybody else got to eat) so I was talking and scarfing down food
too fast |
| |
| However since talking to the doc at
the clinic and some people online, it's probably a buildup of scar
tissue, that isn't as flexy as your esophagus is. That's how it
starts. As it worsens, eventually acid reflux adds to the problem
too and burns parts of the esophagus surrounding the scar tissue.
Making it a two-part problem. I will need to get my throat
scoped to know for sure just what's going on and how bad the damage
is. |
| |
The other night, right after
swallowing my meds, I had a tiny piece of food get stuck this
way and I had a very hard time trying to get it out. I think the
very act
of trying to clear it out, almost made me barf up the meds, which
then burst too soon up in my throat instead of going straight down
into my stomach and the result was that I really did barf later. For
several days afterwards, I kept feeling bad and even barfed a few
more times. |
| |
| The fix for this problem is to run a
balloon down and expand the esophagus back out. I'm learning that
this is not all that abnormal of a problem and that procedure could
need to be done once a year or so. Until I get to a doc, I'm trying
to drink more flushing the food on down, and keeping an eye out on
where the restroom is, just in case. |
| |
| I imagine the clinic was, like me,
waiting for my medical card so that it would be easier to get me in
to see a doctor. I've been after them now to set me up for a
referral; but they haven't managed to do that yet. I don't have many other options
right now, since
the SC Medicaid card isn't any good in NC and I don't know where
else to turn in SC. Hopefully, nothing gets
worse for a while; but this is something important enough that if the clinic
can't help, I'll just have to start seriously trying to tackle ths
issue myself by the first of the year. |
| Flowers in
the Fall |
Even though the nights
have gotten really chilly, and we haven't seen the sun in days and
days and days,
the rose out front is finally beginning to open up. Enjoy this
picture while it's here. I would imagine that any day now the frost
and cold night temps are going to finally put an end to this flower. |
 |
 |
|
|
Food Stamps
Part Cinq |
|
Though I still need to get some
utility printouts and paperwork together to challenge the amount the
Food Stamp office is giving me in monthly benefits, at least today
the card finally arrived in the mail. Now I'll be able to use the
benefits that they issued me for the month of December. |
|
To be continued.... |
|
|
Week Three: |
|---|
Sn@w!
Ack! It's Not My Fault! |
| Living in the Carolinas offers a
unique style of life - especially now that Charlotte has grown as
large as it has. Driving about two hours in one direction will put
you high up into the Blue Ridge Mountains, while driving tow hours
in the other direction puts you in Myrtle Beach at the Atlantic
Ocean. When I was a child, the news would have never reported the
weather some of the nearby cities like Gastonia or Concorde, much
less any weather happening in SC; but now with the city so large
it's brought all those surrounding areas much closer. Mom and Dennis
are typical of many Charlotte residents and their attitudes as
driving up to Boone in the mountains or clear down to Columbia, SC
is just another trip for an afternoon of playing bridge. |
| |
| This weekend Mom and Dennis were going
to be taking Nana up into the mountains. Unfortunately they weren't
going to be taking this trip for anything fun but for a memorial
service of one of our relatives (Mary Jones - Nana's niece/Mom's
cousin) who just passed away after battling lung cancer for a short
10 months. Even
though they were only going a couple hours away,
they were going up into the mountains and the trip had to be
canceled due to the weather. |
| |
| I can hardly believe the weather
myself this weekend. Though sn@w barely comes once a year to this
area, only comes this early every 20 years or so, and I thought I
had left white Christmases behind me in the North, much of the area
down here got hit by sn@w! |
| |
| Every night before I flip my sofa out
into my bed, I let the dogs out one last time and close up their
doggie dog. Reversing the procedure, every morning I let the dogs
out first thing, fold away my bed, and then re-open the doggie dog.
I was quite surprised when opening the door Friday morning to let
the boyz out to see big white fluffy sn@wfl#kes drifting from the
sky.
I thought when we moved 550 miles south we wouldn't be seeing the
normally once-a-year sn@w quite this early! |
| |
| Thankfully, down here just south of
Charlotte, the flakes didn't last very long and there wasn't
even enough for me to take a picture. Within half an hour, those
flakes turned to sleet then to rain. It rained all day long here,
while we watched news reports of the sn@w piling up just 45 minutes
up the road. |
(MouseOver CloseUps) |
"The sun did not shine. It was too wet
to play
Just sit in the house all that cold, cold, wet day."
It's ThingOne, ThingTwo and ThingThree! |
| Christmas in the Carolinas |
| |
|
| I would have never
imagined that 13 years after posting Christmas pictures to show my
family that I hadn't been done in by pneumonia, that I would
actually be back with my family permanently and celebrating
Christmas in the Carolinas. It's been an odd holiday season for me -
warmer weather, no snow, no mass cookie production, and no
OhioFamily; but most of all it's all odd because it's another
Christmas without Jim. |
| |
| But it's nearly time for
Christmas, and that means my Holiday section is online! |
| |
| In many previous years,
I've been lucky enough to go home for the holidays and post pictures
from my trip back to the Carolinas. This year I'm already there! LOL
So right now I don't have many pictures posted yet; but don't worry,
I'm still going to have plenty of holiday pictures for you. Not only
will I have pictures from the family get-together just before
Christmas Day; but I'll be posting even more pictures the
following week after a special Christmas weekend trip to Myrtle
Beach. |
 |
| Click on the doggies to
view the Holiday Pages |
|
|
Week Four: |
|---|
| The Reading List |
| I've been reading some more good books
lately - well some good, and some only so-so. The newest Dean Koontz
book, "Breathless" is only so-so; but thankfully the newest James
Patterson book "I, Alex Cross" was a lot better than his previous
book about the detective ("Cross Country"). I also enjoyed reading a
Stephen King/Richard Bachman book "Roadwork" that wasn't too bad. |
| |
| However, I read two other books that
were much better and really deserve some comments. "The Road" by
Cormac McCarthy has recently come out as a movie. As a book it was
about an apocalyptic end of the world covered in ash. As one
reviewer said, it was definitely a "harrowing" story. I never saw
the ending that came and was left feeling sad at the end. The other
excellent book I read though was "The Time Traveler's Wife" by
Audrey Niffenegger. What an excellent book! A love story and a
science fiction story all rolled into one. Instead of being hard to
follow as the time frame jumps backwards and forwards throughout the
story, the author titillates the reader by letting us in on what's
about to happen at times, while totally blind-siding you with events
you didn't know had already happened in the past. |
| MISC |
Luckily before the year
ended, I was finally able to capture a picture of the steam cloud
that rises from the nuclear power plant just down the road. |
 |
 |
|
 |
Remember Mr. Kitty the outdoor cat? Well, just before Christmas when
the cold moved in and they were predicting some snow, Mom decided to
let him stay inside for a while. As he was roaming around the
kitchen, Mom wondered if he could use the doggie door. Since she
just pointed the door out to the cat, I actually got down on the
floor and showed him by pushing the flap open. When he stepped out
onto the porch, it was just like a light bulb went off over his
head, as he realized that he had seen the backyard before and knew
where he was. |
|
Well, now every time we
send Mr. Kitty out the front door within a few minutes he's climbed
the planted, jumped the fence, and is poking his head back through
the doggie door. Mr. Kitty is now very much an indoor kitty. |
 |
 |
Although I won't be going to Carolynn's
house for the first time since 1986, I have been thinking about her
and missing her. I'm very glad too that she's been thinking about my
guys. Though it's been snowing up there, Carolynn went over to check
on the grave and put out some new Christmas flowers for Randy and
Jim. |
| Holiday Pages |
|
In many previous years,
I've been lucky enough to go home for the holidays and post pictures
from my trip back to the Carolinas. This year I'm already there! LOL I've
got plenty of holiday pictures for you - pictures of a gingerbread
house, pictures from the family get-together just before
Christmas Day, and a special Christmas weekend trip to Myrtle
Beach. |
|
|
| Click on the doggies to
view the Holiday Pages |
 |
| Christmas
at the Beach |
|
|
Even though the weather was a little rainy, and the highs were only
in the low 60s,
I had a really nice time being back that the beach
for the first time in over 25 years.
I want to thank Jack so much
for the opportunity to have
a beige, sandy Christmas instead of a
cold, white, snowy Christmas |
|
|
The only downside to my
trip was an email that arrived from my Mom by the time I had only
been at the beach for barely 24 hours. Unfortunately Mom had just
returned from a long trip on Christmas with Nana up to see Mom's sister in
Durham. With all the humans gone from the house all day, my dogs had
made some messes that had to be cleaned up when Mom and Dennis got
home. Then my boyz starting barking and getting rowdy a couple times
during the night interrupting everyone's sleep. Needless to say, by
the next morning Mom wasn't in a good mood at all. Of course, I was
really troubled the rest of my weekend worrying about how my boyz
were such an inconvenience for my mom and that I couldn't do
anything about the problem.
 |
| |
| Thankfully, the rest of
the weekend with the dogz went ok. However, on my return to town, I
have worked on making it up to my Mom like I told her I would. I
purchased a new carpet cleaner, as a Christmas present to myself,
and used it to make sure that I've gotten the carpets cleaned up
from any pee, poo or dirt the dogz have messed up the house with
since we moved in through this weekend.
Obviously I'm just not going to be able to leave the dogz alone for
too long any more; but that'll be okay since it's very rare that I
even get the opportunity for vacations since I was forced into being
single again.
|
| Meeting Another Doctor |
| I've started down the path
to feeling better. You may remember in my last update when I talked
about the problems I've had with my esophagus. Since then things
have only gotten worse. While I was on my trip to the beach, I was
able to handle it by taking tiny bites and eating very slowly; but
every time I ate I had excruciating pain as I swallowed. Fortunately
the day after I got back into town, I had an appointment scheduled
with a GI doctor. |
| |
| The Catawba Care Clinic
has referred me to this doctor, just around the corner from their
office. He was a very friendly man and as soon as I started
explaining my symptoms, he said he knew exactly what I meant and
that he could fix that problem right up. Boy was that good news to
hear! |
| |
| The good news is the doctor called the
hospital to see exactly how early he could schedule in patients so
that he could work me in. The bad news is that because he's going on
a conference trip and taking his vacation (he has two partner's who
have already taken their vacations), he can't fit me in until Jan
14th. I'll have to be there at 6:30 in the morning for a 7:30
appointment to have an endoscopy done. While the scope is down my
throat, he'll check for any other anomalies, and do a dilation
procedure that should fix my throat issue. I may have to have this
surgery done once a year or so; but that's a small price to pay to
be able to eat and swallow without pain or nearly barfing. Stayed
tuned to next month's updates to see how this works out. |
|
|
Week Five: |
|---|
2009 in Review
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
|
| Below is a quick summary of the events
of this past year. |
| JAN |
| Starting off the year in Ohio meant
there was a lot of snow of the good. Our little
household on Miami Court grew by one when John got
Corissa the cat. While my numbers held stable for
the first year ever (WooHoo!), I got Chantix and
gave up smoking. |
|
| FEB |
| Some snow, some thaw, and a lot of
cold for this month. Plus every day was another day
with Chantix that I wasn't smoking. |
|
| MAR |
| After three long years, the payback
was finally completed and my disability check
finally returned to it's normal amount. For my 47th
bday I had quit smoking for 47 days, and hadn't been
back in the hospital for 11 years. Purchasing a new
bed frame, I moved my computer into the newly
painted 3rd bedroom and redid my bedroom. |
|
| APR |
| For a change, Spring returned to
Ohio early this year - and I sure wasn't
complaining. I was already riding in the park and
seeds I planted in March were already growing up
into plants. Unfortunately, John and Joyce's
addiction and incessant talking about World of
Warcraft began to be a problem to everyone they
knew. |
|
| MAY |
| While I dug to uncover the driveway
on Miami Ct., we were also digging up the garden at
Joyce's. I thought about and missed my Jim a lot.
Unfortunately, John's screw-ups with Food Stamps
started an issue between us, as I was beginning to
question how Joyce was treating me. In the month
that I mourned the passing of my two men, I began to
see the beginnings of the demise of my longest
friendship. |
|
| JUN |
| Trying to repair a friendship with
a cookout just didn't work, and instead made me
realize just how messed up things were. Although
Joyce's garden was coming up gangbuster, our
friendship faded and finally died. |
|
| JUL |
| In a strange twist of traditions, I
was at Joyce's July 4th Cookout rather than at an
amusement park. After going to the park a final time
together, Joyce ended our friendship when she and
her family finally got around to reading my blog
entries from Apr and May. |
|
| AUG |
| With my relationship with Joyce
over, things began to disintegrate between my
roommate John and I. While I was doing yard work and
reading books, John was actively plotting to have me
evicted from the house! Barely being warned in time,
I quickly made plans to not only move to a new home
- but to move back to the Carolinas after 25 yrs in
Ohio! In the middle of my own packing though I
helped Carolynn to move to her new home. |
|
| SEPT |
| While Mom was having remodeling
done to her house in preparation of me and the boyz
moving to SC to live with her, I was busy giving
away everything I could so I could pack up the least
amount of my belongings. After spending time at the
fairs with my friends and saying my goodbyes, I
packed up a truck with what I had left, loaded up
the dogz and drove through the mountains down south
ending up in our new home in South Carolina. |
|
| OCT |
| Though I got a new doctor along
with an AIDS Service Organization case manager, I
had an awful lot of problems getting things switched
from OH to SC; and while I got to enjoy a lot of
time working in my new yard, I didn't enjoy all the
problems like U-Haul, driving to OH to spend food
stamps, and the high vet bill. |
|
| NOV |
| WooHoo! I finally got meds and I
finally got a termination notice from Ohio. For the
first time in over two decades, I spent Thanksgiving
with my family. |
|
| DEC |
| Closing out the year, I didn't have
to take a trip to spend Christmas with my Family
because I was already living down here with them.
Instead of spending another Christmas in the cold
and snow, I got to visit the beach after 25 yrs. and
got to spend a warm, sunny and sandy Christmas. |
|
|
|
|
|
