| leatherman's log |
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November 2008 |
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| Week One: |
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Since I'm always a little
behind, there was an update from October Week
Four. The quick summary is that I talked about being sick with a
fever for about 5 days, finally getting better, driving up to the
Cleveland Clinic with Carolynn, looking forward to the annual
Hallo-weenie roast, getting ready to throw a housemate out, and
wondering what I was getting myself into by agreeing to chauffeur
and chaperone Ritchie and his buddy (neither is even 16, so they
surely can't be left unattended
 ) to a concert.
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So let me update you on
those updates.
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I got to spend some time
with Carolynn (Randy's mom) this past week. She's still having very
bad problems since she had that back surgery in late May. (If you
remember, she was having nausea and a severe pain in her neck and
shoulder.) The doctors said it was a nerve pinched by a vertebra. A
surgery was done to correct the problem; followed with another
surgery the next day (the day I held Jim's Memorial at Randy's
gravesite) as she was still having problems after the first surgery.
When all the surgeries was over, the pain was gone; but she was unable to move one of her legs!
Though she's been able to regain some of the use of that leg,
Carolynn still has severe trouble with it. She's been through
several more tests and seen several different doctors (hence the
trip to the Cleveland Clinic); but so far a solution to her problem
hasn't been found. Matter-of-fact, according to some of the
subsequent tests, it seems the vertebrae that was supposedly remove
in Carolynn's first surgery is actually still there in the MRI
results.
I don't know if there's going to a lawsuit because of this; but I
sure do wish they could find a solution and get Carolynn "fixed" and
back to walking again and with no pain.
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I was really glad to be
feeling better (no more fever! and the congestion is gone too! ) in time for Cliff and Joyce's annual Hallo-weenie
Roast, which was held the Sunday before Halloween, right after
trick-or-treating was over. No matter whether I've tried an electric
or a gas shove, there's just nothing yummier than a puffy, outdoor
fire-roasted, golden-crusted marshmallow.
After gobbling a few up, I got all the ingredients together and put
out s'mores like I was running a production line. Of that's right, I
guess beforehand, I did eat some real food
,
chowing down two roasted hotdogs and a couple handfuls of chips. |
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Because we had had those
hurricane winds blow through clear up here in Ohio, Cliff had a huge
stack of wood for the fire from the branches and tree that had
fallen in his yard. I was able to clear out a whole stack of little
branches and scraps by feeding the huge roaring fire I had built.
Usually Jim and I tend the fire to make sure the kids don't burn
themselves (or each other), and direct everyone to the hotdogs and
s'mores. For the first time in the five years of having this roast,
it was just me tending the fire. |
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Can you believe that this
cute adorable little girl (Becca) back at Hallo-weenie Roast '04
has
already grown up into this young lady? |
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Just a few days after the Roast (on the
actual day of Halloween), I drove these two guys, Ritchie , and
behind him, his friend Mitchell) up to the Agora Theater in
Cleveland for a concert. Well, I thought it was supposed to be a
concert. You know, a couple opening acts that play for about an hour
and then the headliner act for maybe 2 hours. This turned out to be
a Halloween Bash with eight bands, running from 6pm to 2am!
Why the headliners didn't even hit the stage until one o'clock in
the morning!! |
So leatherman got into the
mosh pit
 for
a while and had a blast. (leatherman is never one to pass up an
opportunity to grope hot sweaty young guys without their shirts on
 )
The sad thing is that leatherman is 46 now, and after a while I was
just too tired and went and sat with some of the parents in the back
part of the theater. 
We saw people pass out (the Agora sells beer), we saw fights, our
ears hurt from being right against the stage, we all have bruises
from the mosh pit, and we all smelled like beer (the drunks were
sloshing it everywhere!) and smoke (from fog machines, illegal
indoor cigarette smoking, and of course, the smell from some wacky
weed) coming home. It
was awesome! |
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I know you're all waiting
to hear about throwing out my housemate;
but you'll have to suffer through one important update first.
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I decided to follow
through with a decision I made several months. When I called the
antique store about Jim's belonging, I already knew that if there
was enough money (after moving expenses - I did have to find a home
before I could afford to do anything else
),
that I was going to spend some to take a trip back home. So I
emailed the family and we're starting to work out dates and get me a
plane ticket home to North Carolina for the Christmas holiday. (more
that likely, it'll be the weekend before Christmas when the family
usually gets together)
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Although I'm always happy
to visit home, I must confess that I've been pretty upset really sitting down and starting to think about making
this
trip. My last trip was just back in February, when I rode down with
Tara on her way to see family in South Carolina. That trip had quite
an unhappy ending though, as not only did I start smoking again
(after 110 days) because of the long traffic jam and blizzard we had
to drive through; but I returned home to find Jim still sick with a
fever and getting sicker. Unfortunately, I'm still carrying a bunch of grief and
thinking about the upcoming holidays without Jim, well, they're just
not going to be very happy holidays for me, no matter what I do or
how I plan.
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Mom suggested maybe waiting until after the holidays; but I'm afraid
in the months afterward, things are probably going to be worse for
me for a while. These first anniversaries are always so bad and
heart-wrenching. By Feb and Mar, I'm going to be reliving some very
terrible days. Though I'm still very amazed and pleased each year
on my birthday, remembering how I spent turning 46, running between
the hospital and home during a blizzard having just gotten Jim's
diagnoses, isn't going to make me feel much like celebrating moving
a little further into my 40s. Sigh.
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Part of me is rational and
fairly well-adjusted as I been handling the grief from losing Jim.
It's so sad to say it this way, but since I have been through this
situation (of the holidays and being recently "widowed"), I know
that I'm just going to have to cry my way through the holidays. And
having done that before, I'm holding onto the only bit of hope that
I really have - that I managed to get through this before so I
should be able to again.
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But another part of me,
these months later, is still very troubled, devastated and deeply
sad at having lost Jim. It really has been much harder dealing with
Jim's loss, as it happened so quickly, than it was handling the loss
of Randy. With both men, I did so much, went to so many places, and
spent so much time together, that everything I do is "tainted" by
the thought that I'm doing it alone now. Why just this time a year
ago, it was Jim and I that took Ritchie on a trip to Cleveland, when
we went to see the "Nightmare Before Christmas" in 3-D. This year,
it was only me taking Ritchie to Cleveland. Even all of the projects
I've bragged about doing, have been done without Jim. Sitting by the
fire at the weenie roast, alone, even the s'mores weren't as good as usual.
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Although, as I mentioned,
I've been through this sadness before, I have been looking back and
see that I have conveniently forgotten just how bad times were after
losing Randy. I guess we all block the sad and bad times, and try
not to remember them so much, so that they lose their hold over us.
I really hate to keep bringing up my grief; but it's such an
integral part of who I am right now, and it has changed me so much.
I'm easily annoyed, filled with feelings of frustration and have
become quite a pessimist (rather than the realist I have tried so
hard to be throughout my life). I feel obligated to remind people
just how much losing Jim is affecting my life and will affect my
life for some time to come. That effect on me is only compounded by
my lingering grief over losing Randy. I so miss both of my guys and
it hurts very deeply. It really is a miserable existence right now
when every day is a reminder of what I had and what I have no
longer.
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| I would also like to take
a moment to apologize for being annoyed and bitchy so much of the
time through the last six months. Ever since those frustrating times
in the hospital, I've just felt so "on edge" and the slightest
things seem to just push me over. Poor customer service, bad
drivers, even my friends during our talks, discussions and friendly
debates - any of things have triggered off some pretty angry retorts
from me. That rational part of me understands why I am feeling this
way and displaying not such a pretty side of myself; but that part
of me still mourning, that is constantly reminded about Jim's
absence in my life, just seems to lash out, no matter how hard I try
to contain it. So I'm very sorry if I have rude. I am trying to work
on this issue and hopefully when some more time goes by, this
attitude will fade. |
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Finally, the promised update about the roommate situation.
As many of you know, I've been very frustrated with Sean. For four
months, he's been without a job and just barely (only when I've
bitched about it) gone looking for a job. All of us who have ever
lived in the real world know that only going out job-hunting 4-6
hours a week won't ever find you a job.
So last week, I decided that I had finally had enough of him
mooching off of me, and off of John.
I politely explained that he's only 31 yrs. old and healthy; and
while he's living here enjoying the heat, the lights, the TV, the
cable and the internet, he's actually been mooching (a nice term for
"stealing") his nice life off of two middle-aged disabled men, who
are living on Social Security. I told him that the free ride would
be ending on Halloween. If he didn't have a job, then he'd be living
on the streets come November 1st.
With only four days left before becoming homeless, Sean returned
home last week with a job. That was good news.
However, after only working two days, he called off "sick" on
Halloween - the day I had planned on ousting him!
I
also found out that day that this "job" wasn't that much of a job
either - he got this position (making headphones at a small local
manufacturer) through a temp agency, so there's not even a guarantee
that he'll have this job very long. I was worried most of the
weekend about, like the previous time when he "had" a job and then
really didn't have the job, that he was going to get another free
weekend living off of John and me.
I thought things might just turn out okay when Sean went back to
work to start off this week; but that didn't happen. The story Sean
told implied that he had been at work all day and because they were
up to quota, he wouldn't be needed back until Thursday. What I found
out the following day was that he may not have even gone to work at
all! I do know that fairly early in the day, he waited an hour and a
half to do early voting, and then spent the rest of the day out with
a friend (Linda, one of Joyce's daughters). When Thursday rolled
around, he "supposedly" first called in to his job. When he told
them he'd need off in the afternoon for an appointment, they told
him not to come in at all anymore. This appointment was an interview
at a local McDonalds store. So he blew off a real paying job, if he
even still had it back when he first called off sick, for nothing
but one job interview.
Returning from his interview, Sean told us that after the manager
did a background check, they'd call back the following day and set
up Sean's orientation. Though I was at home all day the next day, I
can't confirm that McDonald's had actually called (if they did, it's
the only number the TWO phones in the house didn't log); but Sean
claimed that he received a call. Only they didn't give him a start
date; but said they'd call back next week with a start date.
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Hmmmm, that just sounds like another lie to me. Since I know that
Sean lied about this past Monday's activities, I have to wonder
about what really happened last week when he called off (was he
actually let go last week and knew he wouldn't have a job this
week?), and whether McDonald's even called him back (I have serious
doubts). |
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But any actions toward Sean are on hold right now. Since I'm not the
only name on the lease for this house, I consulted with John about
his thoughts and feelings about all this. While he is tired of
supporting Sean also, and agrees with my assessment, John is just a
bit more willing to give Sean a little more of chance. I think I
probably agree with
John that Sean is having some problems with his bi-polar
medications; and on some of those same meds himself, John is a
bit more sympathetic towards Sean's problems.
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So, everything is back on hold for now. Well, not exactly "on hold".
While we wait to hear back from Sean's latest job offer, he's been
informed that he's to continue job hunting. If nothing changes, and
no job hires Sean, then the 21st will be his final day in my home -
and I'm firm on that deadline. No more extensions!
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| Before
Fall Ends |
| We've been lucky to have a
few warm days during the past week. A couple days even reached into
the low 70s (Ack!
I remember those days, growing up in NC, when I thought 72 was
downright cold.
)
Since some rain is coming and bringing cold temps back to the area,
Joyce and I spent a few hours each of these few nice days visiting
the parks |
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| Most that half the leaves
have fallen off the trees; but there was still a lot of colorful
leaves still hanging onto their limbs. |
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| Well, it's not quite a
good panorama of one of the lakes, these pictures almost make a
panorama.
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| Announcing their way with
loud honking, a flock of geese flew just over our heads before
skimming the water and coming to rest in the lake. |
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| Since it won't be much
longer until the weather turns icky for the Winter (our reason for
being the park
),
the city crew has already been out readying the Christmas
decorations in the park. It looks like they've got more holiday
light displays than ever and many of them are even action scenes.
For example, in these pictures, the various positioned dolphins will
light up in a row, mimicking the animation of the dolphin jumping
through the wreath hoop. Joyce and I are planning on coming back one
night closer to the holiday and getting you plenty of pictures.
(we're also planning on stopping by some snowy days so we can
capture all the seasons in pictures.) |
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| Since Lacey is a "runner",
she got tied up several times (here to the park bench), while her
well-behaved daughter Rosita has free run of the park.
Rosita is such a cutie running around the park. She only strays from
Joyce's side to dash off to check out something before running right
back. The thing she most likes to check out are the ducks and geese.
She'll chase them all back into the water and then guard the
shoreline, yipping and yapping at the quacking and squawking fowl.
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| Until I remember to start
using the tripod, or learn how to stretch my arm long enough to take
pictures of myself, I'm going to have to rely on the pictures that
Joyce takes of me. But that's not such a bad thing.
Since she and I go on these park trips frequently, the pictures that
she takes of me show me happy, enjoying the outdoors, and usually
looking healthy and active. |
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| However, that also means
that Joyce can take
Gratuitous Butt Shots too!
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| Random
Park Pictures |
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| Find
mIkIE and Lacey and MouseOver for CloseUps |
| With such lovely weather
and such a nice park, we packed up a picnic lunch for our second day
at the park. Joyce made tuna salad and egg salad sandwiches, also
bringing along sliced golden delicious apples (my fav!);
while I supplied chips, pecan twirls and both sweetened and
unsweetened tea. |
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| More
MouseOver Pictures |
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Besides a picnic lunch, I also took
along my bike. MouseOver the next three pictures to see the CloseUps
Joyce took of me from her side of the lake. |
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| Unfortunately, I really haven't ridden
my bicycle since about this time a year ago (if you discount a trip
or two up to Joyce's to get the van when I was moving); and I really
shouldn't have gone around the park a second time. Not only was I
really huffing and puffing, but I nearly barfed and felt "odd" (not
the good kind of "odd" either) for several hours afterward. |
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| Even
More MouseOver Pictures |
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While I was riding the path on one side
of the lake, Joyce had her camera out on the other side of the lake.
MouseOver these next three pictures for CloseUps of Joyce that I
took from my camera. |
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More Random Park Pictures |
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Week Two: |
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I think I may have
mentioned that my camera was having a problem. Way back, many moons
ago, I bought a $400 top of the line digital camera (and the
extended warranty because my rule is "if I can drop it and break, I
better insure it" ;) ) that was a whopping 1 megapixel camera. :))
Don't laugh, back then it was very, very cool.
A few yrs. later when that camera broke, I was able to get a new
$350 top of the line camera, now packed with 3-mgPix capability. But
it broke too after a while (what can I say? I USE my cameras a lot
and they wear out). Eventually I finally upgraded to the 5.1 mgPix
camera that I've been using for the last few years, and it started
having a problem. |
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As you can see in this picture, all my
pictures have developed this dark splotch in the upper center of the
frame. I've had the camera checked and it's definitely an internal
issue (this happened to me previously with a Nikon camera) |
| MouseOver to really see the "splotch" |
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| I had this happen to two previous
cameras, so I decided it was time to upgrade. After shopping around
some, I decided on this Sony Cyber-shot since I've already owned two
previous Cyber-shot models. |
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Though it has many similar
functions, upgrading to this model has added some new features -
which I am still reading about.
I
just had to test out one new feature - the Smile Shutter. Simply
point at your subject, click, and when the camera detects the
it automatically takes the picture. Uber Kool!
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| Who better to try the
smiley function on than my friends. Though I was hard pressed to get
Mike to smile for the camera, he did for just a second, and the
camera clicked. Joyce had been busy doing the dirty job of washing
the dishes, but the camera caught her with this beaming grin.
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Cliff's car has been in repair for a
couple years now (the engine blew up!), but it's finally back home.
It was Jim and I that got a commission for selling this car from
Waikems. |
| Finally, a picture of my
house, the first taken with the new camera.
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| I don't know what I was
expecting to get out of it; but I'm glad I went. You see, this past
Sunday (Nov 16th) was the annual Memorial Service put on by Mercy
Hospice in remembrance of all those who have passed away under their
care in the last year (from July '07 to July '08). |
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Held in the chapel (actually it was the
size of a small church) of the Catholic hospital (Mercy Medical
Center), they gave a semi-catholic, inter-denominational-y,
quasi-religious service that was actually quite nice. There were two
short messages (one religious, of course; and one more about a time
for remembering and a time for moving on) were interspersed with a
few sad/inspirational musical numbers. The soloist had a beautiful
voice and moved many to tears with a song entitled "light a candle".
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Sitting by myself in one
of the back pews, I was already sniffley and had tears trickling out
(I just couldn't help it; but more about that in a moment*
), so at least I didn't look out of place. Not that I was out of
place at all. The chapel was filled with family members representing
nearly all 175 patients who had passed through hospice care. Most of
the people sitting around me had taken care of their loved ones back
in their own homes, trying to make the passing as comfortable as
possible - just like I had done with Jim. |
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Afterwards, the Hospice staff served refreshments of cake and punch.
There was a sense of camaraderie in the air (a mere whiff of the
camaraderie that is here at aidsmeds) amongst all of us strangers
who had gone through such a similar tough situation. A local
quilting group presented their annual gift, a green and tan basket
weave design quilt with the names embroidered across the tan strips. |
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It was nice to chat with the ladies
from Hospice again - well actually, I was accosted by all of them.
Helen, the aide (there are 3 Helens so it's very confusing
),
greeted me in the hallway outside of the chapel with a big hug, and
a cry of how well I was looking (perhaps because I still have a
residual tan from this Summer, and that wonderful Ms Clairol had
just turned my white hair back to a dark brown ). She was the first
to tell me how much the ladies had thought about me
and kept me in their prayers long after they had finished their care
of Jim.
After the service, as I took my first bite of cake (with a HUGE
icing "fall flower", mmmm), Helen, the nurse, came at me with arms
outstretched. A short-statured good-natured woman, she had already
taught me that I had to bend over to receive her hugs - whether I
wanted them or not.
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Luckily, I wasn't too far into my story to Helen (the nurse) about
what had happened in the last 6 months, when Helen, the Hospice
Director, came over too. More hugs later, I finished up my tale of
woe, with Helen (the aide) listening in also, as she cut up more
cake at a nearby table. Hearing of and seeing their concern for me,
I was glad to allay their minds by telling them about moving on
after losing the utilities, car, and house and getting into my new
home.
Later on, after we had finished chatting and the ladies had gone
back to visiting with the other guests, the Hospice Social worker
(Suzanne, not a "Helen" and thankfully NOT another hugger
)
took me aside and sat down with me. She too told me how I had stayed
on the staff's mind during the last 6 months. It seems that Jim was
actually the youngest patient they helped this past year, and the
patient they had for the shortest amount of time. Having helped me
with financial papers for Jim in the hospital, she also said they
had been concerned as I was the survivor left in the most precarious
situation after the death of their loved one. |
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Like I said, I don't know what I was expecting from attending this
memorial, but I am glad that I went. As I mentioned earlier (*and
now I'm finally getting back around to
),
I was already in a sad mood going to this event. Just sitting in the
pew, thinking about how I had come to attend yet another memorial
service for one of my late partners, was enough to cause the breath
to hitch in my chest as I tried not to let out-and-out sobs escape.
To be honest, besides being the first memorial to attend for Jim, I
went to the Hospice gathering as kind of a "trial run". You see,
those "first holidays" without Jim are right around the corner, and
I'm already dreading them - and the few months following, when the
first year anniversaries begin to roll around for those horrible
days Jim spent in the hospital. I talked with my mom about this and
decided that I will go home to visit the family in NC the weekend
before Christmas, when they hold their annual get-together. Though
the holidays are going to be bad, I think I'm going to be feeling
(emotionally) even worse during the first part of year looking back
on the events of last March and April.
Somehow I'll muddle through (what other choice do I really have
anyway? LOL), as I did once before. Even without my friend to pull
me through this time, Jim is still kinda here helping me on. I can
hear his voice (from 14 yrs ago) in my head telling me about the
reasons I have to live, to get out there and live the life that I've
got, and to take my meds. I'm trying to listen to him. I've been
sticking to my regimen 100% for nearly 3 weeks now, even though I've
already had 4 of my average 6 incidents a month hanging over the
toilet. |
It's that time of year;
time for SN@W!
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| Sunday's flurries left this in the
backyard . . . |
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. . . while Monday's clouds dropped
this on the ground. |
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Even with the snow, Joxer is doing
pretty good on the new steps to the backyard. He isn't totally
blind; but he does have difficulties. He has fallen off the sides a
couple of times, and I've corrected those issues now, I think. Just
like Gabby compensated for only having three legs, Joxer has adapted
very well to his vision problems. |
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Speaking of Gabby, I guess that's why I'm just a little anxious
about Joxie right now. It was this time last year that Gabby was
going downhill, and it won't be many more days till I reach the
first year anniversary of her passing.
(seems like I'm always mourning the loss of one of the souls from MY
family) |
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Everybody was cold and
ready to go in; but wouldn't hardly hold still so I could get a
non-blurry picture.
(I'm sure my new camera has a setting for this; but I haven't read that
far though the manual yet
) |
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the Boyz waiting to get in
out of the snow
(and my feet in the way LOL) |
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Week Three: |
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So what's a guy to do when it's cold
outside and the flurries are flying?
Why, make faces at the web cam.
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| And here's the new mIkIE with reading
glasses!
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All through my thirties I never
dreamed I'd have this kind of problem - Old Age! So this is what
staying on the icky meds has done for me, huh? Hmmph! In the past
year, I have found that printed words have gotten a little blurry
and I have to focus just a bit to hard to read them. This 99 cent
pair of magnifying glasses did the trick though . . . for now. I
guess this just means soon I'll have to expand from just my
infectious disease doctor and get myself an optometrist too.
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By the way, luckily after a few days,
there hasn't really been any snow accumulation here in town yet.
Sure the grass was all covered for one day; but the roads have
stayed clear and the it's been just barely warm enough to keep
melting most of the flakes when they hit the ground.
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| I also have some really GOOD NEWS! |
| I'll be going HOME (to
North Carolina) for Christmas this year! |
During some research into the price of
a plane ticket (which was already down $25 since I checked a month ago), I
found I could pay for the fare through my PayPal account.
So I transferred some money from my bank and bought a ticket.
WooHoo!
I'll be heading down to Charlotte on Dec. 18th (Thurs) and returning
on Dec 22nd (the following Monday). It'll be a bittersweet trip back
home this year. On the bitter side ,
the date I'll be flying down would have been mine and Jim's
"official" fourth anniversary. My last visit home at Christmas was
with Jim and when I finally committed to him. On the sweet side,
it'll be good to see my Nana (who's 91), my mom and my brothers and
their families, and touch base with my family roots after going
through so many hardships this year. |
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Week Four: |
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| Thanksgiving |
| I spent Thanksgiving Day
the way I have for 20 years now - sharing good food and good times
with my OhioFamily. Joyce started preparations the night before,
while some of the rest of us did what we could to help. Several days
prior, I went on a cleaning spree through Joyce's house, and on
Turkey Day, I brought my regular green bean casserole. (and once
again I brought home an empty cleaned dish, so everyone must have
liked my contribution again WINK) Mike P came over Thanksgiving Eve
and spent the night, working away most of the evening assisting DO
in readying the food to be cooked. Linda added her help in the
kitchen cooking on Turkey Day, along with adding Mandarin orange cake
and home-made gingerbread cake (with real whipped cream topping!) to
the dessert table. |
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| As the finishing touches
were being put on the dinner (rolls taken from the oven, turkey
carved up, and the side dishes brought out) it became safer for me
to duck out the back door for a while. |
The fire pit is filled with leaves and left-over
pieces of wood after the Hallo-weenie Roast just a month ago. Seeing
the woodpile in the days, I see we burned nearly a third cooking
dogs and s'mores. MMM S'mores.
Oh, wait! That was the last holiday. MMM Pumpkin Pie! is what I
should be saying. LOL |
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I totally missed the "money shot" with
all the food laid out on the table. My excuse? The smells were
driving me mad and I was hungry;
and I am not so much of a geek to not know that a tableful of food
is much more important that taking photos.
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| I nearly missed getting
pictures of the desserts too!
But there was still some pecan, dutch apple, cherry, and pumpkin pie
left to photograph along with some homemade gingerbread cake and
mandarin orange cake. (ignore the deviled eggs underneath those
plastic plates. Those weren't a dessert but "overflow" from the main
table. ROFL |
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All we need to CoolWhip to
finish off these pies.
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| Is it okay if I say that
I'm not too thankful this year?
Of course, that's not totally true, no matter what I say, because
I'm always thankful to be alive, to have my dogz, to have been loved
by two men, and be lucky enough to have three Moms worrying and
caring about me.
But all in all this has been a terrible year, and I just can't care
enough to be thankful about the things I should. |
Well, the troublesome
issue of what to do about the roomie with no job is finally
resolved. I talked to
Sean a few days before Thanksgiving and told him that he would have
to leave since he isn't paying his way or even really trying to get
a job. I ended up going soft about the actual date and gave him a
few more days, so Sean moved out the day after Thanksgiving. It was kind of
sad; but obviously I wasn't the one to help the poor guy. But like I
told him, in the time that he came to live in my house (and that was
an improvement in his life) my life totally went to hell in a hand
basket. If I could go from losing my future, losing my partner,
losing the car, and losing the house and end up with me and in the
dogz in a new house, with the bills paid, trying to move forward in
life, then surely in that same time he could have gotten his act
together.
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| Even though I should have been really mad
at Sean (and that would have made this all easier for me to handle, I
think), I find myself actually still quite troubled and sad. Though
he wasn't a boyfriend, he was a very good friend and a great help to
me during a time when Jim and I sorely needed help. Before Jim
passed away, he asked me to "make things right with Sean" for
helping out. I had hoped that I could have paid for Sean to go to
Cedar Point (because he hadn't been there for many years, and you
know how Jim and I love the amusement parks) It seemed like an
appropriate thank-you gift; instead I gave him shelter, food,
heating, bus money, cigarettes, water, TV, internet, electricity,
and even a computer to use. I'm sure that I have honored Jim and his
request in the help that I have given Sean for the last seven
months. I sure do hope he can
find the right help, get his life back on track, and start taking
care of himself. |
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| A quick note about Sean - Of course, I
was quite worried, though I know I shouldn't have been, about where
Sean went after he left he the way he did. He was already awake, up
and dressed when I woke up about 830. As usual, I'm not a "talker"
in the morning, as I stumble downstairs to let the "thundering
horde" (the boyz) out to the back yard, just to climb the steps to
get to the bathroom myself
,
so Sean and I didn't speak. As I checked my morning mail, I watched
him (on the webcams) as he left out the door with his knapsack on
his back. He didn't say goodbye, nor did he leave his set of keys,
so I really wasn't certain what he was doing. I changed the door
locks that day and Sean never returned. Later in the evening, I
contacted a person who might have heard some news, and found out
that Sean had been checked into a crisis center and was not out sleeping
in the cold and wet. |
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