leatherman's log  
August August 2009
Week One |   Week Two |   Week Three |   Week Four |   Last Ohio Entry
Week One:
I know many of you have been asking and asking me about where my update has been lately. (especially those who know that something bad has been going on )  Rather than starting off by making you go back a month to catch up, I thought I'd start this month with just a quick update.  In short, last month I worked around the yard and in Joyce's garden; it rained a lot in Ohio; I read a lot of books; and then things between the Hancock/Clarks (that would be Joyce and several of her children) and me kind of went to hell in a hand basket. Matter-of-fact, those relationships seem to be pretty much over after all these years.
 
(However, since I haven't updated you since near the first of July, you really might just want to go back to JULY Week Two and see my last update. I didn't write too much about what's been going on lately (but I did write some), because I was hoping that things would clear up; but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. However, you should probably at least give my last update a glance. I mean, I did post a few pictures - of flowers. They are soothing, pretty, and non-threatening, so no one should get bent out of shape over that part of my blog entry.)
 
In a different place and time
(in case you missed this in my last update)
In a different place and time, in my last update there would have also been pictures from Pooltag Four along with the celebration of Jim's 53rd birthday on July 29th. Of course, I would be remiss to not point out that in even a more different time and place, we would have celebrated Randy's 46th birthday back on July 9th..

Instead I visited the grave where I laid both of my men to rest.
 
So, let's move on to something else less sad and definitely less controversial than last month's events.
 
mikie's Reading List
At the end of June, I told you that I was about to read the book "Buddha of Suburbia" by Hanif Kureishi, which was the basis of a BBC series and inspired David Bowie to record the soundtrack. Maybe you have to be a Brit, but I didn't like the book too much at all - although the Bowie album was pretty decent, if you like the music of the "Thin White Duke".
 
Because it's been a rainy month (and because my life outside the house was seriously curtailed since I had no more friend "just up the street" to visit anymore), so I read nearly a book a day over the last few weeks.
 
Any time I go to the library, I always go first to the New Book section and look through the new non-fiction that my local branch has gotten in. That's how I've read quite a few books about the economy, the Iraq war, and self help/improvement. The latest one that I picked up was by Dave Cullen entitled "Columbine". Although the students at that school had hoped that the word "columbine" would go back to describing the wild flower, of course, we all know the book was about the tragedy that struck that high school. It was an interesting book that explained the timeline of what happened that day, while also trying to explain how the two high school students became killers.
 
Unlike other years when, for most of the summer, I've been out on the deck of the pool reading, when the sun has been out, I've been sitting on the balcony outside the bathroom doing my reading. Unfortunately, there just hasn't been many sunny days (good grief! we've only had a handful of days that have even been 80 or above! Global warming doesn't seem to be happening in Ohio. )
 
Because I've had so much time on my hands, I've also been reading several different series of books. Thanks to Wikipedia I see that I have been reading several Urban Fantasy series of novels. (Urban Fantasy is defined as a subset of contemporary fantasy, consisting of novels and stories with supernatural content, set in contemporary, real-world, urban settings—as opposed to 'traditional' fantasy set in imaginary landscapes)
 
The "Kate Daniels Series" of books by Ilona Andrews is about a time in the future when magic has returned to the world. Kate Daniels, living in Atlanta, is an enforcer of rogue elements including vampires, wizards, werewolves and magic gone wild. After reading "Magic Bites", "Magic Burns", "Magic Strikes", I'll have to wait for the library to get "Magic Mourns". After that I'll probably have to wait another half a year before "Magic Bleeds" is published, much less waiting for it to come to my library.

Another urban fantasy series that I've started reading are the "Dresden Files" by Jim Butcher. These books are about Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden, Chicago's first (and only) Wizard P.I. So far I have read "Storm Front" and "Fool Moon" and I have the next three or so (out of about 15 books, I think) reserved. I found out that the SciFi channel produced a season of shows based on this character, so I'm going to have to visit hulu.com and watch some soon.
 
Then I went back to reading in my favorite genre of plain ol' Science Fiction. This time I read through two series, mainly because they are intertwined. Orson Scott Card wrote both series (the "Ender" series and the "Shadow" series) based on Earth fighting out an alien invasion and the kids that had been trained to complete the mission. All-in-all, I read the ten books in these series ("Ender's Game". "A War of Gifts: An Ender Story", "Ender's Shadow", "Shadow of the Hegemon", "Shadow Puppets",  "Shadow of the Giant", "Ender in Exile", "Speaker for the Dead", "Xenocide", "Children of the Mind") and now have to wait for the author to write the final book "Shadows in Flight"
 
So, were you counting? I read 17 books in two and a half weeks! And yes, that's right! One book a day! I didn't quite read this many books the last couple summers, even though I had that time by the pool. The pool takes my attention after from books; but it's rainy this year and there's nothing better than stretching out with a good book on a sultry night or a hot lazy afternoon.
 
When I had the pool taking away from my reading time over the last summers (bad pool! LOL), I didn't read quite this many books in a summer. It's different this year, not just because I don't have the pool; but because of the weather too. It's just been so crappy. Though not terribly rainy, it's been cloudy, muggy and yuccky. I have spent a couple afternoons on the balcony outside of the bathroom, reading and soaking up some of that vitamin D; but I see last year's tan fading more and more rather than darkening up after our long cold winter.
 
I've traded in those books and checked several more out from the library. I sure don't think I'll be reading as many in the next couple of weeks as I did in these last couple of weeks. We're supposed to have a few nicer days instead of rain, for one reason. For another reason, my butt hurts from sitting on it so much reading.
My nana gave us all a bit of a worry this past week. She's going to be turning 92 this coming Sunday and has been so well that she still lives by herself and even still drives a car! This is a picture of her enjoying her 90th bday party. You can see that she was pretty darn hale, hearty, healthy, and happy that day!


However, she spent a few days
in the hospital this past week.
A couple years have gone by since Nana's 90th birthday and we all know that Nana isn't the lucky one getting younger with each of her birthdays. That doesn't necessarily mean that she might have gotten a lot worse, but it does mean that more little things might start falling apart. Luckily, the doctors could find anything terribly wrong and Nana was back out of the hospital within just a few days.After Jim's encounter with the hospital, I was worried and probably drove my mom crazy checking in on Nana every day. But I love her and I was worried.
Even though I was no longer going up the Joyce's house nearly every day like I have for many years, I did get out of the house some. Of course, I had to wait for a nice day every week, and then I biked over to the library (else I wouldn't have had all those books to read ). My old pal from Waikems, Gayle, and I went for a walk in a nearby neighborhood, then stopped by the library before grabbing lunch together. And twice I've spent the whole afternoon and evening over at Richard and Angie's house. Both times, I got stuffed with dinner, had hours of fun, good conversation with the kids and their parents, and played a rousing game or two of cards.
 
Later in the week, Tara buzzed in with a very serious computer issue. Thankfully, Tara learned well from me and had already tried all the obvious "fixes". And those skills of hers paid off again, as I led her through instruction after instruction trying several different "esoteric" fixes for this problem. Together, Tara and I got her computer back up and running. I was especially glad to have figured out the solution; because my friend Mary K was having the exact same problem. I had been "threatening" to bike over some day this week and reformat her computer to resolve the issue. Knowing what was done to Tara's Expert Auto computer, I applied the same fix to Mary's computer and didn't have to do a reformat. WooHoo!
 
Things Just Aren't The Same
As I mentioned at the first of last month, life just isn't the same anymore. I know I shouldn't expect things to remain the same year after year; but when things have been the same year after year, you get used to the stability and the "traditions" you build up with family and friends. I haven't even gotten used to living life without Jim after the first year; and now I'm living life with my OhioMom anymore.
 
Dammit! Things really have taken a downward trend in my life for the last year and a half. And I really did try to put my life back together after losing Jim. I guess it's no wonder that I've been thinking of moving home. How bad a change could that be compared to what I'm going through here? I had a long chat with one of my sisters-in-law recently. Not only did she give me some good advice about trying to not let this un-resolved situation with Joyce poison me; but she made me consider the ramifications of moving back home. I realize that I haven't been around my family for nearly half of my life, so they are people that I don't really "know" all that well. I have no idea how things would work out by moving home; but I do know that it would be something very new and very different.
 
(If those paragraphs don't prove that my life is a bit topsy-turvy right now, I don't know what will. Although earlier I was arguing for the stability of life and against the instability, I have to admit that sometimes the unpredictability of the future isn't all that bad and can be quite exciting. I still need that dang crystal ball though, so that I know which is coming. )
 
However in past years when things never ventured away from the normal, just like July would have been celebrated differently, so too this month is shaping up to be much different from previous years. In years past, my friends and I would have spent this month lounging by the pool in the summer heat, watching the Goodyear blimp flying overhead for a few days, celebrating Kayle and Becca's birthday at Jim's pool, and heading out for the Football Hall of Fame Celebration Fireworks to round out the month.
Oh, I did take a couple pictures of the fireworks this year; but they weren't any good, so I posted these "good" ones from years past. Without Jim or Joyce, I didn't even bother trying to get closer to downtown for a better view. Although I did try to see the fireworks from the back balcony; there were too many trees in the way to see anything. It was stupid; but at least the fireworks only made me cry for just a little bit. (one of the very annoying things to grief is how the oddest things can trigger the sadness)
 
Many of the people around me have heard about my "mower gripe" over the years; so it's only fair that EVERYONE get to hear it too.
 
I'm having a problem with my mower right now. Actually, it was Jim's mower, and although it is self-propelled, I never really liked it. It's design is odd with off-centered front wheels, it's fairly heavy, and for as long as I used it at Jim's over the last 5 yrs, it's been hard to start and belching a lot of smoke. Here at this new house, I haven't had anywhere to store it , so after bringing it up out of the basement this spring, I've left it outside and have just been covering it up with an old pool toy. (Yeppers. I've been using one of those huge beach balls, cut in half, covering up the mower deck and motor.) Now, although I've changed the spark plug, gotten "fresh" gas, and dried out the carb, I still can't get this danged mower to start. And my grass has been getting thicker and taller with all this rain and mild temps this summer!
 
The gripe about the mower is only partially about Jim's mower (it's heavy, hard to start and smoky); it's also about MY mower - well, the mower I used to have. See, back when I was in the process of moving out of my house on 14th street, my landlord's workmen broke into my house. Of course, everyone denied and everyone was sorry; but in the end, my lawn mower, and Randy's table saw were stolen. My beautiful, small, light, sharp-bladed $99 mower, without a gas leak anymore (thanks to a repairs I had made on it over the winter months) was gone.
 
Of course, I am mad about the loss of the power saw too; but how often during a year do you use a table saw? Now think how often I need to mow the grass during a year - with Jim's old mower. That's how many times I remember my nice little mower was stolen - and I'm still mad every damned time.
Of course, the trouble now (and why I even brought up the "mower gripe") is that now without my old mower, and with Jim's mower not starting, it means that my grass isn't getting mowed! In the past, I would have just called up Cliff and Joyce and asked to borrow their mower; but that wasn't really an option anymore.
 
So I asked John for his opinion about how to borrow the mower, because if the city has to cut our grass and charges us, John will be liable for half the fee, so he does have a stake in this household chore too. I was quite surprised when John's solution was that he would ask to borrow the mower and do the mowing.
 
I've made you wait so long for this last update that I'm going to go ahead and post this on Sunday night. The only problem is that because John came back from his mom's sans mower and sans explanation, I can't really finish up this mower story. You'll just have to wait until the next update to find out if me, John or the city mowed "our" yard.
   
Week Two:
Update on my Yard Work
The title to this section is a little misleading. With all that has gone on this summer, I've pretty much given up doing any yard work at all. The holes I dug around the stumps are still there, the back drive area is still covered in dirt, and the brick driveway and patio are slowly being overgrown by weeds. During this Spring, I used my yard work as a way to work off my frustration and hopefully find some solution to my problems with Joyce and John. But since everything blew up like it did, I just haven't cared to do much outside. (I'll explain a bit more about why I don't care so much about this yard a little further down in this update.)
Thankfully, Mother Nature hasn't given up on my yard though. The morning glories are doing pretty well in the backyard and the cosmos are blooming out front. Both flower beds do seem to be having a bit of a problem though. Unfortunately, I think the plants probably wanted more sun, and I planted them in spots that were slightly shaded by overhanging trees. However, there are flowers and that's what matters.
I'm sure that you've been anxiously waiting to hear about whether my grass ever got mowed or not. As I mentioned in the last update, John didn't bring a mower back from his mom's nor he did make any comment about whether he was still going to mow the yard or not. So if you were waiting to see a picture of John mowing the yard, you're outta luck.
 
As I had asked around earlier, I found that too many of my friends (from this side of town) rent and don't even own a mower, so there wasn't another mower close by that I could borrow. After waiting on John to do something for a couple of days, I decided to ask the neighbors if I could "rent" their mower to do my lawn. While I was waiting for the neighbor to come home one afternoon, I decided to give Jim's mower one more try. WooHoo! Lo and behold, the mower belched out a cloud of white smoke and the engine kicked in.
 
 I'm not going to mention that the blades are really dull and it took me two passes to get all the grass cut ; but I did get the grass cut just in time that day. As I mowed the last of the back yard, a huge cloudburst of rain fell. I just kept on mowing though as I was determined to get the yard cut, and I can't guarantee that the mower will ever start again.
Seeing the Family
I've been chatting with my mom more now that she's got a laptop with a built-in webcam and an air card. She's chatted from her bridge clubs, from over at my GrandMother's house, and most recently from my brother's house.
   
Mom That's my niece Jenny smiling
Lisa waves (a BIG two-handed wave) to me That's my youngest brother huddled there under the covers. He was sick that day; but was still able to give me a wave.
The Park is Still There!
More than a month has gone by now without hearing from Joyce, and just like after a death, I find my life is slowly moving back to a little bit of normalcy. Sure there's a lot that'll never be the same like those 4th of July cookouts, HOF fireworks, or trips to the park. But who said that I needed Joyce to visit the park?
 
According to the weather reporters, this has been the chilliest summer since 1992. My blog doesn't go back that far; but I do remember wearing sweats, drinking coco, and painting the woodwork on my newly screened-in porch at 14th street back in Aug of 2000. This August is definitely not as chilly as it was that year, but the temps have barely gone into the 80s this Summer. It's taken until the middle of August for any Summer weather to move into the area and it's finally warming up some.
 
On one of these days when it was nice and toasty, I got a call from Angie, wanting to know if I wanted to go with her and the kids and hang out in the park for a while. Of course, I did! Not only would I get to hang out with Rich and Becca some; but I never turn down a trip to roam around in Mother Nature's yard for a while.
Canton has a lot of Parks, but Becca suggested that we go to my regular stomping grounds at Stadium Park (it gets that name as it's right across I-77 from the Football Hall of Fame and Stadium. Instead of walking the areas that Joyce had taken me through, Becca knew of a whole different area. Behind the old carriage house and another Presidential memorial (this one for JFK), is a beautiful area that holds the "Children's Garden" along with some lovely walking paths.
Poor mIkIE! He hasn't been doing any yard work; but his OCD is so bad that here he is at the park cleaning trash out the waterway and unclogging the spillways so the water will flow better.
Ritchie wasn't fishing out trash from the water; but was trying to fish out a fish - by hand!
 
This part of the park contained all sorts of small flower gardens showcasing different themes. Next time I visit I'll have to get some more pictures (thanks to Angie and her cell phone for these!)
 
All around this part of the park are paths and bridges. I couldn't resist climbing on top of some decorative blocks and playing at being a statue.
 
Though, I was a "bad boy" and gave Becca "devil horns" (not "bunny ears" ),
I behaved and Angie got a nice picture of Becca and me.
Just a right hand turn off the roadway through the park, that I normally bike on, is where this whole unexplored part of the park is. In front of the carriage house is a narrow reflecting pool. On one end if this concrete ring surrounding a fountain (and you know how I loooove fountains!), and at the other end is an "eternal flame". I bet you can guess by this style, right out of the 60s, that this is the memorial dedicated to President Kennedy.
I'll definitely be taking another trip to this area of the park soon. And this time WITH my camera. There are pictures to be taken of the flower gardens, the bell tower, the musical stepping-stones, and other areas along the paths.
Future Plans?
By now quite a few of you know that I have been seriously aiming at a goal of moving back to the Carolinas to be with my family again. As with so many other things in my life, there seems to be nothing but obstacles to overcome. 
Plan A: Moving back to the Carolinas
 
Of course, housing for me and the dogz is the biggest issue when planning this move. Unfortunately neither of my brothers has a couple grand to give me nor a guest house to set me up in , nor is it very easy to try looking for another home in another state  over 600 miles away, especially when I don't have a car anymore. A possible solution then to consider has been to move in with my mom and her husband. To accommodate me and the dogz, they have been trying to get some estimates for adding a room to their house with an outside entrance to part of the yard that could be fenced in for the boyz. But even that has had it's share of problems. While one contractor actually came and provided an estimate, two others have been no-shows, another one has yet to email an estimate (3 wks later), and still another has rescheduled twice as he doesn't seem to be able to remember his appointments.
 
There's also an underlying problem to any construction - financing. About the time my mom was going to talk to her mom about a loan, my Nana ended up in the hospital for several days! But, thankfully, there didn't seem to be much wrong with Nana - well, nothing besides her poor old body being about to turn 92 years old. So once she was settled back home, Mom finally got around to broaching the issue about a loan. Mom suggested (though it was already on my To-Do list) that I call Nana on her birthday to perhaps "firm up" the loan offer. Unfortunately, GrandMother also read an email that I had sent to my mom (explaining how I was going to be able to afford staying here for a while, especially since I have been under the impression that my roommate John would be moving out at the end of our first year lease); now Nana is under the impression that my life is hunky-dory up here and doesn't want to make the loan.
 
Though I haven't quite given up "all" hope, it seems that after 23 years when I have finally made the decision to move back South, that life is conspiring to keep me up here with the Yankees. Of course, that's not the worst thing that could happen. I really do have many friends up here and I love them dearly. I've been able to survive here this long, I'm sure I can make it a little longer. Especially since this just means that I won't have to be packing up all my belongings again. That would be three moves in four years.
Plan B: Staying where I am
 
However, staying here does have it's own problems too - mainly my roommate. For quite some time, many of our mutual acquaintances have been telling me that John was planning on getting another place. I'm not certain whether he's just overheard some of my phone conversations (though I do think he might have actually listened in on the other line several times) or just conjectured that I was moving by the things I've written in my blog the last few months; but I wasn't surprised to hear that he was making his own plans. He doesn't speak to me at all, so I'm sure that he can't be any happier living in the house with me than I am living here with him.
 
Trying to stay on top of things in my life, the notion that John was leaving was supported by several clues that I've noticed lately. First, John has had Sean over quite a few times (yes, the same Sean that USED both of us for over half a year for the benefits of our home, utilities and food; plus who stole several of John's PSP3 games!). Knowing that Sean will soon be receiving student loan monies, I figured the guys would use that to fund getting an apartment. Then, though we have always kept our bills in the holder on the table in the living room for the last 12 months, John has taken the most recent cable bill and has it stashed in a cubby hole at his desk. Since John has never once gone with me to pay the bills (though I asked numerous times, and had to re-arrange my schedule several times when he backed out of going with me), I could only surmise that he "hid" the bill so that he had the information to call and move the services (cable, phone, internet) to his new location. (Wonder what John's reasoning will be when I have to ask for the bill, so I can pay it this next month?)
 
(Because I believed that John would be moving out and abandoning me without any notice, I wrote that email to my mom (the one that Nana read) explaining that I could just barely manage things here for the time (the whole ten years of this blog have written so my mom wasn't too worried about me), while we continued making plans or waited on the construction. I laid out my income and out-come and will have just enough money to pay the house lease and the utilities (because I'm on a percentage-of-income payment plan). Unfortunately, I won't have money for cable, phone or the internet; but I should have just enough to pay the water/sewer bill that comes every 2 months and the 2 bags of dog food per month.)
 
However, there's been the strangest turn of events. Just as I was getting my mind wrapped around the thought of living in this house alone, I hear (from the little birdies again) that John is NOT moving. Several days ago, a friend was talking with Joyce and relayed to me a rather cryptic comment. It seems that Joyce was planning on taking John out to look for furniture (since about everything in this house - except John's  computer desk and the stuff in his bedroom - is mine), so that he would have something when "his roommate" moved out. (there's more about this usual comment* a little further down the page) Dang! I was actually starting to look forward to living here alone without John's silent, angry presence brooding over everything, and now I'm still going to be stuck with him. Argh!
 
Although John and I have been able to live together fairly nicely all these months already (though it'll probably be more of a very unhappy celebration for the one-year mark coming up Sept. 5th), I have my doubts at how much longer the "nice" part will continue. It seems while I was out running errands a few days ago, that John decided to rummage through my stuff. A while back John had loaned me several rechargeable batteries. Rather than ask for them back, he went through my rooms and removed the batteries without saying anything to me. Though I can't quite be classify as stealing, it cuts pretty close to the edge, doesn't it? I bet if I went rummaging through John's desk or room looking around (you know, just in case something of mine was misplaced in his stuff) that he wouldn't be too happy.
Plans C, D, . . .
 
With all these issues swirling around, my future plans are a little topsy-turvy. After finally wrapping my mind around moving back to the South, I really would like that to be what happens; but with the problems that are looming in that option, I don't really have much faith that that is how everything will pan out. I had begun to think that I would end up alone in this house, and got my mind wrapped around that; but then there's the possibility that John will stay on, so that option is turning out to not be a good as I thought. Of course, with John still here, my expenses will be less  (even though I made a plan for my finances if I was alone); but this has become a very unhappy home to live in. I have several other possible options from getting another roommate to moving in with other friends; but if I try to leave things open for a move to NC, I would hate to leave someone else in the lurch in a few months.
 
I have to tell you that I nearly believe that there must be some sort of curse on my life. I understand that we all have problems and I'm not saying that mine are all that much worse than yours; but....

I don't know that any of my other friends have a terminal illness, been hospitalized twice and told they were going to die, been burglarized three times, had a house fire, buried 1 cat and 7 dogs, been widowed twice (in this list that item takes so few words and yet have been the most devastating them to ever happen to me - even more traumatic that being in the hospital myself), lost two homes because of finances, and lost two cars for the same reason. I know none of you have had similar problems because by now I would have already invited you to come live with me, so we could commiserate and sympathize with one another - along with pooling our finances and keeping a roof over our heads.
 
It sure would have been nice if this potential move back home had been able to happen swiftly and easily; but that curse seems to prevent any "good luck" from happening for me. Instead I have to struggle, fight, plan, cajole, compute, worry, etc. because nothing seems to come easy for me ever. I'm doomed to always have to follow my own advice of "hard work and patience". So I'll go back to making more plans and trying to hang on.(I guess that's trying my patience, I mean trying to be patient )
 
*An Unusual Comment
I need to also mention something else about that comment of Joyce's that got passed along to me. I think you'll have to admit too, that Joyce calling me John's "roommate" and not even speaking me name is pretty damned weird and crazy. I mean have you ever heard something so strange?? It almost makes me wish I had hit her, or stolen from her, or done something to actually deserve this strange animosity that she has for me now. Unless, of course, I was right several months ago when I began talking about how little she was acting like a friend to me. Obviously, she hasn't been my friend in quite some time and was just playing me along for quite a while. How else should I interpret it when the lady I called my "OhioMom" for 23 years won't even speak my name to our mutual acquaintances?
 
It's been confusing enough discussing my relationship with Joyce all these years, until I finally settled on the obvious moniker of  "OhioMom". I can't rightly call her that anymore, as she obviously hasn't deserved that title for some time. No real mom would treat me as hatefully as she has - even if I had done something worthy of such a feeling. From now on, I'll just call her "Joyce "on my blog - though I doubt it'll much matter, as she is no longer a part of my life.
 
There's another question that people have been asking that I could probably answer here, in this section, while we're on the topic of my ex-friends. I've explained to many of you that I hadn't been writing much here for a while (that's why it took a month to get to the last update I posted for y'all), to hopefully avoid any more "issues" with those ex-friends (John and Joyce mainly) for the time being. Many of you have wanted to know if they have read any of my further updates and had anymore to say. Well, I can't say whether they have or haven't bothered to read any more of my blog. All I do know is that a link to my site used to be on their toolbars. I have already removed them from my address book, my email update list, and my IM messenger. As they were months behind paying any attention to my concerns or reading my blog, it's up to them now to read or not read my latest updates.
 
I've also decided that it's time to quit self-censoring my blog, lest I upset anyone's sensibilities.   I mean, Lordy, this blog has always been about me, the bad and good stuff happening in my life, and what I think and feel about all of it. Nearly everything that I've ever written here was already said in person to whoever I would be writing about. Of course, in person, I haven't been nearly as blunt and forward, and have tried to work issues out before posting them here. Whether they chose to blow me off and the situation ended up here or not, well, that's a different matter entirely.
 
mIkIe's Reading List
Of course, I've still been reading since my last update and have a few more books to add to my list.
 
One of the authors that I've been reading lately is Christopher Moore who, though he now lives in Hawaii, originally lived in Toledo, OH The brand of fiction that he writes is called absurdist fiction. (according to Wikipedia, Absurdist fiction is a genre of fiction, drama or poetry that centers on the behavior of absurd characters, situations or subjects. While a great deal of absurdist fiction is humorous in nature, the hallmark of the genre is not humor, but rather the study of human behavior under circumstances that are highly unusual. Absurdist fiction posits little judgment about characters or their actions; that task is left to the reader.) Since I last wrote, the novels of his that I have read are "Coyote Blue", "Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings", "The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror", and "Island of the Sequined Love Nun". I've previously read a couple of Mr. Moore's other novels and there are a few more that I reserved to check out from the library.
The non-fiction books that I check out usually take a bit longer to read than the fun fiction. - mainly because I have to think more when I'm reading about "real" stuff. I'm in the process of reading "The Family" by Jeff Sharlet. I learned about this book from the MSNBC's "Rachel Maddow Show". It's about a secretive "religious" group located at the "C Street House" in Washington DC. This group is interesting because, though they claim to be of "high morals" (and have access to US legal policy), more and more information is beginning to leak out about this group of conservative and religious group of GOP politicians who live or have lived in the now infamous house. The house made headlines recently when it was discovered that among its occupants had been John Ensign, Mark Sanford and Charles Pickering, all religious Republican politicians who were revealed to be having extramarital affairs.
 
Politically, I still feel like I'm a conservative person in the truest sense. I believe that government should stay out of our lives and spend as little of our money as possible; but I have no problems with actually having a government that coordinates and regulates things so that we ALL can live happy, healthy, and as-productive-as-possible lives. However, the Republicans that used to stand for that sort of belief have aligned themselves so much with religious values that I can no longer support them at all. I don't want a theocracy in America. Let the Muslims keep that.
 
Similar to the book "The Assault on Reason" by Al Gore that I read (sometime within the last two years LOL), Charles Pierce authored the book "Idiot America" that bemoans the depths of irrational thinking in mainstream America. I have to say that I totally agree with Mr. Pierce's philosophy that all it takes is enough people saying something loudly enough for that to become to the truth in our country. A country too bedazzled by by sound bites and meaningless two-minute discussions of any given topic. (I mean, really! How can anyone just say that they are against health care reform? That topic is just to broad to be a yes or no issue. Just like with education, we Americans spend too much and don't get our money's worth. There definitely needs to be a "fix" for these screwed-up systems.)
 
The recent brouhaha over the "death panels" supposedly in the proposed new health care reform certainly proves the point. My own personal experiences have already shown me the extremes that medical institutions will go to "preserve" life. (Why oh why would they even suggest or offer chemo to an 86-yr old man?! Must less the way they "tortured" Jim while he was in the hospital.) Surely any rational person can understand that it would be easier to talk to your doctor about end of life decisions before you find yourself sick or hurt, close to death, and/or in no good mental shape to make important decisions like that. Plus there is the extra added benefit to society that people that already make appropriate decisions in advance of an end-of-life situation cost less money and don't go through exhaustive procedures that only prolong their own pain and grief to their families. Even though for years legislatures, hospitals and doctors have been suggesting Living Wills, DNRs, etc., suddenly now it's a plot by the government (please don't blame this on "Obama"; this is legislation through CONGRESS, so it's equally the responsibility of every Senator and Rep (D or R) ) to kill off old people. It's almost enough to make me laugh at the stupidity, if it wasn't such an important topic.
 
I mean no one wants to be Teri Schiavo, right? No one wants their families to go through that kind of a mess, right? And I sure hope that none of us would want the Congress of the US to debate and pass laws applying to only one person in the entire country. Right? You have to be very scared of that! If they can start making laws that only apply to one person, what kind of law might they pass about YOU?
I've got another non-fiction yet to read. It's called "The American Future" by historian Simon Schama. According to the blurb, the author "takes a long look at the multiple crises besetting the US and asks how the problems look in the mirror of time. In four crucial debates - on wars, religion, race and immigration, and the relationship between natural resources and prosperity - Shcama looks back to see more clearly into the future".
 
I wish I had questions worth asking and could attend one of these "town halls' that have been happening around the country. I sincerely try to be a well informed citizen and would love to actually discuss (not "debate") these issues facing America so that some sort of solutions could be reached; rather than the nonsense I keep seeing in all the newscasts. Though it's not  really a "book", I should also mention that I've been reading through the 1,000 pages of the House-sponsored health insurance/care reform legislation.
 
For goodness sake, I heard this one lady the other day talk about how she wanted the country to go back to the way the founders had it. Although I guess that means she doesn't understand that the Constitution is a "living document" constantly amended and enhanced to adjust to the conditions of the country throughout the years. I mean, if we go back to how the founders "left" the country (when they died I guess, since they didn't just "create" America and leave - like they were God creating the world of something LOL); but if we go back in time, then women can't vote and blacks are only 3/5th of an actual human.  There'd be no minimum wage and children could be chained to the machinery in sweat shops. I can't imagine that anybody wants that America. (I won't even mention how the lady had no clue to her household yearly income, wasn't concerned about politics after 9/11 or when the Republicans were spending her unborn grandchildren into debt with a misbegotten war, and seems to actually not be an "average citizen" but one who has written favorable book reviews on amazon.com for "conservative/Republican
 authors and was the leader of a Republican organization in her town for many years.)
 
I hated the hypocrisy I saw in those Baptist churches when I was growing up; and I hate the hypocrisy I see in the Republican party now. All those people should be ashamed of themselves and get their own houses in order before talking about the "evils" of gay marriage or lies about the government killing off the old people.
 
Sorry for the political rants; but I do have one more to thing to add before I leave this subject of health care. Before any of my friends "diss" public-funded health care, please remember that it is good ol' Medicare that has kept me alive all these years. The state and federal government did pay out quite a bit when I ended up hospitalized all those years ago; but I think that money was well-spent as I'm still here today to write this blog entry today. The public funding for the Ryan White Act, along with the Ohio Dept of Human Services, has been able to provide me with periodic checkups and access to medicine, allowing me to be a much smaller burden on the system since that initial crisis period.
Summer Finally Arrived!
After all these weeks (and months) as the temps barely reached to 80 degrees (though the humidity made it feel warmer on those days), and all the rainy days, Summer has finally arrived. And it arrived with a vengeance!After a few days that had waves of thunderstorms roll through the area, suddenly our temps have been bumping against 90 and slightly higher!

Aug 13th
My own yard illustrates how drastic a change we've had in the weather. (It's either that or Mother Nature doesn't love me like I thought she did. Oh No! Another mom that has turned against me! Or it's that damned curse I was talking about.) You might remember the picture above that I took of the cosmos just a few days ago on August 13th. Right after that, the heat wave moved into. The picture on the left was taken 3 days later on August 16th. Rather than producing any more flowers, most have fallen off and are going to seed , while the plants are starting to die off. Sadly, I took the picture on the right just a day later on August 17th, and most of the cosmos are burned and are dying!
Aug 16 Aug 17
Actually the poor plants are very nearly dead! I can hardly believe how fast this happened to them. Cosmos are a hardy flower that normally grows well in areas with little water and high heat. My "Yankee" blend seems to just not be as hardy as they should be. I guess I'm going to have to go out soon and pull up the dead plants (no seeds to collect this year), about two months earlier than I normally clean out the remains in my cosmos flower beds.
Week Three:
There was stuff that happened this week; but I've got to hold off on "spilling the beans" until the "poop hits the fan".
Stay Tuned for a Major Announcement!
Week Four:
I have, like, the HUGEST announcement to make everyone, so please pay attention!
Almost 24 years later (Nov. 15, 1985), I'm heading back home.
Yeppers, I'm leaving Ohio and moving back to the Carolinas!
 
Fort Mill, South Carolina to be exact. I'll be packing up soon (maybe as soon as Sept 9th), and heading out with the boyz to make the 471 mile trek through the mountains of the Virginias (West and plain ol' Virginia) and North Carolina, finally landing barely a mile across the South Carolina state line. I'm very excited to be moving back to be with my family (me and the boyz will be living with my Mom and her hubby, who moved across the state line years ago to escape Charlotte's high prices/taxes); but I'm also very sad to be leaving behind HALF of my life here in Ohio. (this past Thanksgiving marked 23 yrs I had lived in NC and 23 years that I had lived in OH)
I'm sorry, but I'll warn you, that this update is going to be a long story .(I hear you out there saying that most of my stories usually are long. Pttth!) But you really gotta know all this stuff to know where I'm coming from. Just as big as decision as it was for me to leave behind my life and move up here, it's even a bigger decision as it's just "Michael" (not "Mike and Randy", and not "Jim and mIkIE") making this decision and move. (I guess what I'm saying is that this is all Randy's fault. Bless his little heart ) So sit back, get relaxed, take a few minutes, and I'll try to keep things moving and not be too boring. It's no multimedia project; but I even threw in a few pictures to help keep things lively.
Though this story really is going to have a happy ending, it started out quite badly and isn't really good yet. (but it's getting there) Over the last few months things have been strained, to say the least, between me and my roommate (the son of the lady that I've often referred to as my "OhioMom"), just as our year lease at this house comes up for renewal at the end of August. Over the last few months, I've have many issues with my roommate and my OhioMom that I've talked about here. I thought by just giving them space and not talking and not visiting as much, things would calm down; but instead they continued to push issues until, quite frankly, they are no longer friends of mine (after 23 yrs!!), and it looks as if there can be no resolution/reconciliation.
 
Then a few days ago, this past Thursday, my ex-OhioMom actually let it slip to one of my friends that my roommate has been "negotiating" with the landlord behind my back, and was planning on signing a new lease - without me!! In fact, my roommate was actually intending to NOT notify me at all until Sept. 1st, when the bastard was plotting to kick me out of the house!!
 
For several years now, I have had to fight to NOT be homeless - after my SS check was cut by a 1/3 (to repay the "overpayment" for working too much while at a job from 3 yrs prior) forcing me to leave the house where Randy passed away and I had been able to keep for 14 yrs, and then again, just last summer, after Jim died in his own living room leaving behind hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of medical bills along with a leaky roof, bad pipes, and property taxes way overdue. Now suddenly, here I am, nearly a year later, about to go homeless without even knowing about it until it was too late!
 
Actually, I did almost have a "heads up" about this situation. Some of my friends had told me recently that my roommate was talking about moving out, so I had already been trying to decide how long I could continue to pay rent at this house. I was also discussing the prospects more seriously, with my Mom, about moving back to the Carolinas. Unfortunately, all those plans of moving South had a problem of money - not enough for the transportation, not enough for my own home, or not enough money to remodel Mom's house to accommodate me and my 3 cocker spaniels (along with her 5 dogs, and husband dealing with an illness). The only relative that might have been able financially help us, my grandmother, recently went into the hospital herself just before reaching her 92nd birthday earlier in August. Thankfully, my grandmother wasn't very ill; but now she is having to contemplate her own future (giving up her car? condo? moving into assisted living?) so her finances are tied up in her own problems.
 
Looking like my family would be unable to help me, I still needed to keep a roof over my head so I went and talked with the ladies that run the leasing company for my home. They had wondered why I haven't contacted them (my roommate has chosen NOT to pass along their messages or let me know that they wanted to talk to me also is why). They were almost as distressed as I was about how my roommate was handling this situation (but at least they would keep a roof over their heads! LOL). As I left them on this past Friday, having explained about all I had done at the house - painting, building a porch, fencing in the yard, cleaning out the back yard, clearing off the driveway, digging out the stumps, planting the flowers, not to mention being the only one to mop the floors, wash the walls, vacuum and shampoo the carpets, etc. (heck I the one that found the place!) - the news wasn't looking too good. Not only did the situation distress the ladies; but they didn't think that they wanted to get into the middle of the situation. Their initial reaction was to simply consider not re-signing with either of us. So I left them to wait through the weekend while they decided what to do; but worried that they would end up letting both my roommate and me find somewhere else to live when September rolls around.
 
   
   
 
Wow! Suddenly I went from holding on to some hope that perhaps by Christmas time, my ex-OhioMom and I would be on speaking terms again, to finding out that she and my roommate were actively conspiring to actually put me and the dogs onto the street. I'm sorry, but I just don't see how anything that I have written in my blog (even the parts that are "negative" about my roommate and ex-OhioMom) would cause them to have such bad hostile feelings towards me. I've had a lot of outside sources also confirm that they don't fully understand. (One person put it the best I thought. "They're looking their own gift horse in the mouth AND slapping it") Whatever underlying reason, it's caused her to throw away a 23 year old friendship and turn her into such a hateful shrew that she would "plot"/"conspire"/"tacitly approve"/"let things happen"/"not interfere" to let me be become homeless. Randy would be so ashamed that he ever made friends with this hateful bitch.
 
I'm sorry if my language isn't very nice about this situation and these people. Those who really know me, know I've often said that I don't hate anyone and have never held revenge in my heart. Unfortunately, my "ex" OhioMom and my soon-to-be ex-roommate have now taught me just how ugly those feelings are, because I'm definitely hating the two of them now. The few times either of them have said anything to me (or in ex-OhioMom's case, sent me cryptic IMs) they've said their anger is because of my attitude, something about how I think I am "Mr. High and Mighty", "Mr. Perfect". Quite frankly, I'll readily admit to be a little snobby at times; but I've never had an attitude problem like they are accusing me of having. My dad and my Baptist upbringing taught me that honesty was always the best policy. Anything that I have said to them that sounded like I was pontificating, I can surely look up on the internet and prove that I was right. I mean, why in heaven's name, would I want to give my friends bad advice? Of course, I've told them the provable truths of what they need to do to fix the bad situations that they have discussed with me. If they choose not to take my advice, and yet continue to bitch about their situations to me, whose fault is that? You keep telling me your problems, and I'll keep telling you how to fix 'em. It's the kind of get-things-done friend and person that I am. Just be thankful that I'm not a "Type-A" person, but I didn't once have the job title of "Facilitator" working in the "Trouble Dpt." for nothing. LOL
 
For an example of the strangeness of their reactions toward me, after nearly two months, suddenly, out-of-the-blue, this IM popped up on my screen one day. Though I tried to get some sort of explanation and engage in a discussion of the problem, there were no more replies.
 
ex-OhioMom: You nastly ,cowardly little shit you are not anywhere close to being BETTER than me or mine i have birth,breeding and backround that will put your crappy southern origins to shame you are a big blow hard a lot of wind and sound signifing nothing what you are is nothing
ex-OhioMom: i have contributed to the human race by having 5 bbeautiful intelligent children and grand children and great grand children
mIkIE: what are you talking about? i haven't spoken to you in nearly two months.
 
My only response to this, and in no way is it meant as a commentary on ex-OhioMom or ANY of her children; but Hitler and Jeffrey Dahmer both had mothers, so what does bearing children have anything to do with the issues between ex-OhioMom and myself? I guess with no real reason that she can point to, she's had to slip into some sort of latent homophobia to somehow put her in the "right". (or perhaps it's just the motherly action of - rightly or wrongly - defending your own blood) It's all incredibly weird and down right psychotic. In the same psychotic way, she had started referring to me when speaking to mutual friends, not as "Michael" but as her son's "roommate". How weird is that? After knowing me for 23 yrs. she won't even speak my name? At this point, I almost wish I HAD accosted her or stolen from her or something to make sense of why she has this anger towards. Surely, my blog words didn't hurt her that much.
 
But, on yet another personal level, I truly find this situation incredibly sad. I'll always remember how this lady came into our pet store two weeks in a row, before inviting Randy and I over to Sunday dinner. She then continued to feed me Sunday dinners for nearly 23 years and her family has been my surrogate family in Ohio for these two decades. I've cried for days as losing her in my life has seemed like another death. I had known Jim for 20 yrs and have barely managed that loss just a year ago. Now, a woman that I put into the pantheon of my "three moms" (I mean how lucky can a guy get to have 3 moms!?!? My real mom; Randy's mom, my mom-in-law; and this lady as my OhioMom) and now she's gone. It's been truly heart-wrenching and only the time of a few months has dulled any of this pain.
 
I have to tell you that sometimes I nearly believe that there must be some sort of curse on my life. I understand that we all have problems and I'm not saying that mine are all that much worse than yours; but ... I don't know many of my other friends that have a terminal illness, been hospitalized twice and barely survived, been burglarized three times, had a house fire, buried 1 cat and 7 dogs, been widowed twice, lost two homes because of finances, and lost two cars for the same reason.
 
(You know, in that list the item, "been widowed twice", takes so few words. Just three little words there to describe the most devastating events to ever happen to me - even more traumatic than nearly dying myself.
My heart will never recover from losing my Randy and my Jim),
 
After struggling through all that, I'm now faced with losing yet another home for me and my remaining dogs. If the landlord decides that my roommate can stay here, I'm out of a home. If they decide to not re-sign with either of us (to avoid being in the middle and the potential of my crazy roommate causing damage afterwards like his has threatened), I'm out of a home. If by chance the landlord decides to let me stay, I'm worried about the ex-roommates departing actions, along with the problem of paying for this house as it's nearly twice the amount of my old house, so in a few months, I'd be out of a home. And this time with no vehicle even for me and the dogs to sleep in! It seems like a no-win situation all around for me.
 
But I told you that this story had a happier ending. Bless my mom, her husband, and my GrandMother. Although there isn't enough time or money to build on a small addition, they are going to be re-arranging their home to fit in me and the dogs. During this next week, while I'm packing, they are having a window in the back bedroom remodeled into a door and adding a deck going out into the side yard that will be fenced in for my pups (even though the dogs as 11, 10, and 10, they'll always be "pups" to me). It'll take all of my Sept. SS disability check to pay for some sort of transportation; but the tentative time plan is that after I see my doctor on Sept 9th (*see note below), I'll pack up what I can, and drive through the night (so I only have to pay for a one day vehicle rental) and move back to the South.
 
(*note - reasons for staying to see the doctor: I'll need info from him to apply for assistance and find a doctor when I get to SC. Plus it was this man, his expertise, his kindness, and his encouragement that kept me from dying and has kept me alive all these year. I just think back to how sick I was with my old doctor (suffering with his alcohol demons watching his patients die in the 90s) to how well I am now because Dr. Marc Fiorentino took the time to get me to stay on a workable regimen of meds. How can I think of NOT staying long enough to tell this man thank you before leaving his care? Plus he'll have new blood work numbers for me. I would guess with the recent stress that the numbers will come back badly; but I thought that too a lot of last year, so who knows? Let's think happy thoughts that once again in such a crazy year and a half that my numbers will be stable.
 
 (Though a few more t-cells or something wouldn't be bad to have just before and I have to do all that damned "moving furniture" and stuff. Every time I move I think how I really wish I could hire some nice shirtless, sweaty, muscley 20-somethings to tote and haul all around my packed boxers and furniture.)
 
Since I probably can't afford to rent a truck and there is NO room anyways at my Mom's for my stuff, Randy's stuff and Jim's household of stuff that I inherited, I'll be leaving nearly everything I have owned behind to some friends who have stood by me through ALL the years I've been in Ohio. (I'll probably even have to stay with them for a few days before leaving town since the landlord will be expecting us to move out.) I have spent this weekend, once again, sorting and packing up my belongings. I had to drag boxes that I had stored in the attic of Jim's memorabilia (that I had just been too sad to sort through last year) and, as with Randy's belongings, decide what mementos were "worth" being kept and what memories I would just have to throw away. Needless to say, I've been crying so much that I surely must be suffering from dehydration.
 
Damn! I said this would end as a happy story, and that's not how it's sounding at all. LOL I'm sure you understand that I'm just not on the upside of the situation quite yet. All this packing, all the planning, getting read to say goodbye to everyone that I've known for years, explaining to my friends how our mutual friends conspired to make me homeless, listening to all their "plans and ideas" (which while well-intentioned won't keep a roof of my head in just over a week), it's all a bit "too much" right now.
 
But within three weeks, I'll be posting pictures and stories on my blog of my new home, my brothers, my real nieces and nephews (not the surrogate Ohio nieces and nephews that I've had), and all sorts of happier stuff. Heck in a few months I'll probably be posting about how much I miss the snow! (What am I going to do in SC with a ton of sweaters and thermal underwear?!? LOL Eventually I'll have to go shopping for a more Southern wardrobe. LOL)
 
Well, it's back to sorting, throwing away and packing up the essentials; waiting to hear the landlord's decision and telling them my decision; trying to figure out a mode of transportation and an exact date of departure; arranging a get-together/going-away party to have the chance to say goodbye to 23 yrs worth of friends; and generally freaking out until everything is handled. LOL
A few extra thoughts
One afternoon, I started a chat to a friend but she wasn't at home right then. As I starting rambling on I realized that my chat would make another great blog entry. I had just had a visit from another friend, talked a lot about the situation, (arranged for his muscle power when moving day comes ), and was feeling more "good" about this big decision that I have reached. So I fleshed out what I would have typed to her into this section and posted it below.
After talking with friends and family about all that has been happening, I came to a little bit of peace with what's happened in my life and the major decision that has been made. See, I've really just never been treated this badly before by people that I had let be so close. Although some would even counsel (and a few did) to give it more time to heal, to let the steam blow off; there are issues at the very core of this situation that cannot be overcome. Many of you will surely understand my two reasons:
 
1) I was threatened with homelessness!
And it wasn't just an idle threat either. It was an unperceived threat sprung upon me. I have had less than 2 wks to avoid it; and I still might not quite avoid it altogether. Though in that case, I won't be totally homeless, as I'll have a place to stay with Richard and Angie until I can rent a vehicle. Though I'll have their "roof over my head", it'll be like when Randy and I (and the first pack of spaniels) had to stay with friends after the house fire - it won't be OUR stable roof. I realized back then, in that position, that for some unknown reason, at any time, we very well could have gone "homeless" through no fault of our own. As you can read between the line about my personality, an honorable sense of responsibility that I have to protect myself and my family, then and there began to grow into a deep-seated trauma, a fear, a worry to haunt the rest of my life. For all the years that I have struggled, separated from the security of my own family by hundreds of miles and depending and appreciating the kindness of friends (especially this one surrogate family), to keep shelter for me AND Randy's line of dogs, that some of them would allow me to go homeless is just unconscionable. Why even my own parents did NOT kick me out of their house! Though they were very upset when I came out to them, I had already responsibly moved into my own life and own apartment and had "left the nest". LOL They didn't need to "kick me out".
 
2) My dogs were threatened with homelessness!!
I would never be so bold as to suggest that my dogs have more "value" than any human, than anyone's child's, life; but the lives of my dogs do have a similar value. These dogs, now down to the last remaining three, have been all that has kept me having the will to live through both the loss of both Randy and Jim. If I hadn't felt the responsibility of shepherding them their lives and to their eventual deaths (as I did guiding my two men to their final ends) I simply could have given up years upon years ago and died. I would have avoided all the years of grief at the loses of those men and dogs. And I still have grief to go as I still care for Joxer, Aries, and Zeus. Every day that goes by I see their age, their illnesses taking the toll and I know soon, soon it'll be that time once again for me (god! me again?) to "deal with things".
 
You cannot threaten, even by accident, the safety of my dogs without threatening me and forcing me to take action.
Coming to a Decision
 
As I have been contemplating for some time, my life as it is here is Ohio is not as I would like it. There's been a lot of grief, I'm obviously more alone than I've ever been, and so many things have changed so dramatically that "the way it was" will never be again. If I can't go back then I just have to move forward. Hard work and patience to make things better, I've kept saying. Well, it's been months and I've tried to force things back to normalcy and I just couldn't get that to happen. As oxy-moronic as it sounds, I guess it really is time to make a big change in my life to get some stability. The best option on my horizon really does seem to be to cast my lot in with my mom and her husband. I won't say that being back with my family will be a panacea to all my problems. No, that situation is bound to bring about it's own set of problems. There are going to be challenges; but I'll have people to face them with me looking for a solution. My mom will want to work WITH me to fix our issues, rather than consider allowing me to go homeless.
 
I'll just feel safer living with my mom because she's more responsible,
cares for me more, and isn't planning on kicking me out.
And it'll be good to be able to see my brothers and GrandMother more than once a year if I'm lucky.
After writing most of this, my mom called. I ran all these thoughts before her and felt even better about it all. I've been very distraught (not sleeping right, not eating, skipping meds, not bike riding, not going outside - all those symptoms of depression, you know), so feeling some good feelings about it all, well, it's good. LOL Some tears, some laughs. It's all about life and change, isn't it?
Thank You, Neighbor!
Worrying about my future this weekend, I've been very distraught (not sleeping right, not eating, skipping meds, not bike riding, not going outside - all those symptoms of depression, you know). Of course, talking with a mom and a few friends, getting more settled in my mind, has helped me to feel a little more "good" about where our plans are leading now, I've still got a lot of issues to deal with. It's like I've been in long dark tunnel; I'm not at the end yet; but I can see the light up there ahead.

While I didn't feel at all like going outside yesterday (Sunday) because it was way too cool (It's summertime still and only 67 damned degrees!!), and frankly cause I was too stressed and depressed, some yard work did get done outside. The neighbor (the one that doesn't share the drive) not only mowed the front yard; but he pulled out his chain saw and cut out the two remaining stumps that I had dug out and tried to pull out. What a great guy! He even filled the holes back in! I went over this morning and put a thank you card at their mailbox.
 
Talking with the Landlord
I gave the leasing company a few hours Monday morning, before breaking down and emailing them to find out their decision. The reply that I received a short time later turned out to be good news - even if it was already a little too late. Though it didn't mention the exact comments, their email explained that John had dropped off a letter stating that he would not be staying and would be moving out of the house; and that they would be happy to re-sign the lease with me if I still wanted to stay.
 
I stopped in their office the next morning, with just a week left in this month before the lease is over. I thanked them; but explained that this whole useless incident probably just pushed ahead plans for me going back home sooner than I would have. Looking back, I think this move was probably in the "works" since Jim passed away. When Randy died, I was too sick to want to move home. Then I stayed a while and fell in love with Jim; but things are different now that he's gone too. My friends are busy in their own lives and not as flexible as we all were in our 30's; so though they love me and the boyz, none of them are in a position to be the big help that I need.
(I need to say a special thank to Richard and Angie. Even if I don't have to stay at their house 3 days or 3 weeks until I get moved, just the offer deserves some recognition of their friendship. )
It's because all my friends are busy with their own lives that's I looked to Sean and John as roommates in the first place. I never thought they were not the "best" choices; but my options were limited as homelessness loomed last August. I had hoped that Sean would use my stability to get his own life together; and I had hoped to see John able to interact with his family better while having a real home, rather than living his life in a room. But I've already talked often enough about the many problems I've had this past year that I'm sure you all understand why this situation didn't work out. I guess I should be glad that I kept things together for a year without falling apart. (I mean in moving here my "figures" expected/planned on the income of a third roommate, so with John's help, I guess we didn't do too badly.)
 
Now it's all ending in what I, just a few sentences ago, called a "useless incident". Even though I had been considering leaving Ohio, I had never planned to move and strand John. We have a mutual friend who I had hoped could move in here in September. Unfortunately, he has been unable to repay a student loan as fast as he wanted, so it'll be some time yet before he could move in. I had hoped that he could be a "buffer" in the house, until things improved. Then by the time Spring arrived, I could have had better plans for moving to SC and would have left John with a paying roommate.
 
Instead of that sort of future playing out, John was mad and immaturely tried to force me out of the house without any notice. When I tried to keep that from happening to me, John ended up giving up his claim anyway. What a useless disaster as his actions have only caused us both to find new homes. (And dammit! I was fine here. I hate packing and moving.) I know, in the end, that while my words on this blog may have caused some of this problem, my words have surely done less damage and brought about less trouble than John's actions of trying to force me into homelessness. And that's just the truth of the matter.
 
You know you want to help
Now that the decision has been reached and the landlord knows, it's time for me to get my ass in gear. Lordy, there's so much to do in the next couple of weeks. And to start them off, there's someone else that has to get moved first! Yeppers! The addition that Trent had built on his house for his mom to move into is ready. They've already moved a bunch of things over; but not only will Carolynn get some time to spend with her "son-in-law" before I move back; but she'll get her "adopted son" to help out with a major chore. That's okay though, she's taking me by the hospital to have my last blood work taken for the results that my doctor is going to give me on the 9th!
 
I would like to arrange some get-together with friends in town, and I'm getting people together on Sunday Sept 6th to move my belongings out of the house. So anyone local is "encouraged" to help me plan a going-away party or to stop by on the 6th to help move furniture! Send me an email, IM or call me! I want to see all of y'all one more time and you know you what to help me move the furniture.
 
Of course, there is one more "bad" things involved in this physical move - I'm going to be offline for a while! There's no telling (as I type this) as to when John will leave, along with the cable/internet/phone connection, since that's in his name.
 However, as I've mentioned before part of putting the hard work into fixing a situation lies in the worrying/planning. I am - and obviously my Mom is too, thank goodness - a planner. We talked a couple days ago and Mom got me added to her phone service and a phone is being shipped to me.  I'll email my number to several of you as soon as it's activated so that we can stay in touch and coordinated while you help me through the moving here in town. So far, I've got a truck and some muscle scheduled to help out Labor Day Weekend.
 
To her credit, Mom's handling a lot of issues too on her end and she's already planned out a whole lot of stuff. While I'm trying to gather things together and close them out here, Mom's been working on the finances for when I get there. She already had an itemized list of bills etc. and a budget worked out me. (a good one too!) Though this move is happening rather quickly and had a rocky start, it's shaping up. And I'm really starting to finally feel some real good tinges of excitement.
 
But, back to the issue of the time I'll be "net-less' , though I'll be jonsing really bad for an internet fix, I'll be busy packing and getting things ready for the move. You won't miss out on anything, because you know I'll be documenting it all for more updates in September! I'll be taking plenty of pictures and writing down those next entries. I'll try to stay in touch as much as possible and update you as often as I can.
Leatherman's Moving Company
No it's not my stuff that I'm moving yet; it's Carolynn that's moving today. As with many of us, Carolynn has been contemplating a move for a while. So while she's been waiting for her house to sell (actually, her house is very similar to my mom's! How weird is that? ), there's been an addition being built onto her son's house. So Carolynn drove over (she lives about 50 mins away), took me to have my last blood work taken (for that appt. coming up in two weeks), and then we met up with her son Trent (Randy's younger brother) and starting moving the "heavy" stuff.
Trent heads off with the first load of furniture.
Here's another load ! And there was another, and another, and another. From noon till nearly 10 pm, we moved truckloads of furniture. Really heavy furniture!
Of course, for each time we loaded UP the truck, it took 15 min to drive over and then more time to get all that furniture back DOWN.
Carolynn's new home is on the left side of Trent's garage.
Luckily, this new furniture was delivered right into the living room several days again. We eventually "delivered" nearly everything else. On the other side of the living room is a full bath, with a "wet bar" right outside there. (I'll explain that layout in just a moment, first follow me through the living room . . . .
. . . and back into the bedroom. Carolynn's bedroom has a door leading out onto a back deck.
Back through the living room and over by the bathroom is a flight of stairs going down to the lower level of the house.
Downstairs, Carolynn has a full kitchen with dining area. Beyond that is a medium-sized pantry/office. A "back door" from that rooms leads in the back half of the full basement under Trent's house.

Because the kitchen is on the lower level, that small sink was installed upstairs.
 
Everybody was just too tired, and too sweaty, and it was too late, so I didn't take any pictures of us. However, here's a snapshot of a portrait of Trent posing in his Magician persona. Too bad he didn't know any really good presto change to make all the furniture magically move itself into place.
Speaking of my Randy, any time I spend with Carolynn reminds me of Randy. Though I see so much of Randy in Carolynn, I guess it's really the other way around.  HE had a lot of HER mannerisms. On this visit though, as we worked through the afternoon, we moved framed photos from around the house collecting them into boxes. After moving out the large pieces of furniture, rooms were left bare except for photos hanging on the wall. I saw various pictures of Trent throughout the house; but my eyes were drawn to the pictures Randy. I have several pictures of Randy upon my walls too; but the pictures that Carolynn has to remind her of Randy are so different from. I have pictures of Randy doing a stint at a modeling agency, pictures of us together. Carolynn has pictures of a single Randy, and a younger Randy. But no matter the picture, no matter his age, I can still see the man I loved.
These are ceramic music boxes that Randy painted for his mom. I'll have to see if we can get a picture of a pillow that I cross-stitched to match the carousel piece.
   
The Final "Live" Update from Ohio
Well, tomorrow is August 31st and I could be losing cable anytime now, when John moves out. That means, my internet access will be limited for a while, and my next update probably won't happen until after I'm settled down in South Carolina.
 
Although I've been packing my ass off for a week, he hasn't done much, if anything, that I've seen. Of course, John didn't bring that much into this house, so moving won't be a big problem for him. With just a bed, dresser, recliner, computer desk, and a couple of end tables, he should be out of the house in just a few loads using his mom's van.
 
Things are much different for me. First, we still haven't gotten the issue of a vehicle for my move yet settled. My move date is still over a week away, so there's still time; but as you can imagine, I'm still antsy about that detail.
 
Secondly, after spending so many years accumulating things, it's really odd, and quite sad, cutting things down to the essentials that really matter. On one hand, it's a responsibility thing. I mean really, who would not move and take their broom and mop to their next home? Well, this time I don't need to. Then on the other hand, it's quite sad deciding just how much sentimental value to attach to things like the several dozen sweaters I have (I am moving to the South where it's warmer and won't need half of them LOL) or to the sentimental value of Jim's measuring cups or flour sifter.
 
I forgot how much packing sucked; even though I did just do this same thing only a year ago. I should've remember; but I didn't. I guess it's one of those traumas so terrible that your mind will just block it out.   Oh my! No wonder I forgot how terrible packing is! I just went back and read through the "aftermath" of last year. Sept 2008 No wonder I blocked it all!
 
Ever since I moved into my first apartment around 1983, I've been collecting things and now it seems odd not to "need" them anymore. Things like my waffle iron, toaster, much less a kitchen table. I still have three dining room tables for the time being! My computer desk is actually the dining room that my family used to eat at when I was in high school (I inherited it before I moved to Ohio). Jim's dining room table was Sean's desk for a while and it's benches are in the kitchen. Finally, the table that Randy and I had is in the basement where I use it as a laundry folding table. Mom has enough of all these regular household things that we just don't need too many of my things. Though it seems odd to leave these things behind, it will make less things that I need to pack and haul through the mountains.
 
But that doesn't mean that I don't have to move all that darned stuff though! LOL I do have to move it out of this house, so much of it will be going to Richard and Angie's place or over to Mike Poland's. I'm trying to put things together to get it all moved quickly and easily.
 
The walls look so NAKED with hardly any masks left up!
 
Though this will more than likely be my last update from OH, I won't be leaving quite yet. I'll be here at the house for another week until I have my doctor's appointment; and I won't be bored in the meantime! Not only do I need to move everything out, except for what I'll pack up in the truck to take down south; but there are places to go and people to see. I may be going to the Stark County Fair to spend time with the Richard Clarks before I go, and to the Canfield Fair to spend more time with Carolynn and Trent before leaving the area. Several people will be coming by to visit, and I'm still hoping to arrange some sort of get-together with some of my other friends.
 
I have some library books to take back too. I've appreciated and loved the Stark County Libraries too much to accidentally "steal" one of their books and take it to SC. I appreciated being spoiled by just reserving books online and then biking just barely a mile to pick them up within a few days. I just hope that the library down there is all connected online and interconnected between the branches, because I just used google maps and found that the biking part won't be as easy to keep doing. Not only is it over 6 miles away; but you have to go up through NC to get down to the library. (when I said Mom was living just over the NC/SC state line I wasn't kidding. )
the red line is the State line;
the blue line is the path between the house and library
So much to do, so little time.
So many people to see, so many goodbyes to say.
 
It'll take some time for me to be able to reflect on Ohio; but as I'm about to leave it, I thought I needed to say a few words. I've have quite an adventure up here. I've met just a ton of people and visited a lot of places. Randy and I moved up here just before Thanksgiving in 1985. I was TERRIFIED that I had made the worse decision to move up here that first Christmas as it dropped to 5 degrees below zero with 6 inches of snow frozen to the ground! After staying at Randy's mom's house for a few months, we moved on to Cleveland. I really enjoyed being back in a big city (and it was a really big city! Much bigger than my home town of Charlotte (the biggest city in NC)  in 1986) except for that first Winter, living only 1/2 mile from Lake Erie, when I learned what a blizzard was like!
 
Seeing the pattern already? While I used to get a kite as a gift for my March 14th birthdays when I was a kid, for 8 out of the first 12 birthdays I had in Ohio, I got to live through a blizzard as a gift! LOL It was the snow that finally made Randy and I move to Canton. We had already bought out a small pet store down in Canton and had to commute daily 50 miles (or about an hr and a half each way) to tend to the small animals in the shop. Many times we would leave Cleveland in the middle of a snowstorm only to arrive in Canton where people were wearing sweaters in the 50 degree balmy weather asking us about "what snow?".
 
There's a whole lot more I could ramble on about the years I spent in Canton; but above everything else, and this is the most important thing to remember, this is where I spent some of the BEST years of my life -
the years spent with Randy, and the years spent with Jim
well spent years filled with love, happiness, and cocker spaniels!
 
I'll probably have plenty of sob-by, sad tales in my next update about leaving Ohio; but at least I'll be able to finally balance out some of my sad stories with happy stories. I know things haven't been good in my life for the last year. It seems that one period of my life really has been winding down with lost lovers, departed friends, estrangement, grief, and depression.
 
Sure, making this big of a change in my life will open the door to more challenges; but there'll be more opportunities too.
 
Instead of the stories of losing friends and lovers; I'll  have tales of re-aquatinting with my family. Instead of  climbing onto a surrogate mom's house to clean the gutters, I'll be on the roof working at my real mom's house. I don't know what others changes could be in the future; but I feel more optimistic and less depressed about those changes. At least the challenges I'll be facing now will be vastly different from the issues I've gone through in OH. It'll be fun, it's another "Mystery Adventure".
 
So with both sadness and gladness in my heart, I say goodbye to Ohio and goodbye to all my friends. I'm very sad at leaving behind those who made my years here so amazing, enjoyable, fun, at the worst of times, bearable. But I won't truly be leaving you all behind. You've been reading my blog for years and that's not changing; it just now the stories will be much more interesting as they'll all be new to you.
 
Goodbye Ohio. Hello South Carolina!
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